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Alcohol Turns Him Into Mr Hyde

by Jen


Hi. I'm Jen, I've been in a relationship with Kirby for almost 3 years. On any given day, Kirby is Prince charming. He's perfect, he's nice, helps around the house, never says one off word to me.

Even when we get mad, or I mess something up, or the water softener breaks and we have to go figure out how to fix it.

However, when he gets drunk in a social setting, occasionally he goes crazy. Something little happens (once we were just talking about how we moved to another down and I hated my job, once he claimed I moved his arm while he was using the toilet, once I pulled a beer from his arms because he was chugging it, once I told him he was drunk), and he freaks out.

At first it was just him calling me terrible things, then he kicked me out of the house and took my keys so I could not get my things. Most recently he punched my car, threw a space heater at me, and pushed me to the ground.

Each time this happens he promises to stop drinking, or at least slow down. He's apologetic when sober, and talks about getting help. Recently he told me his father was abusive towards him and his mother and step mom when he was younger.


I'm not sure if it's worth it to give him one more shot. The relationship is a dream 99% of the time. But I'm scared for that 1%.

If he goes to abusive partner classes, do you think he can change? Does he need substance abuse courses as well? Why does this only come out when he's drinking around friends?

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Jan 31, 2018
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Answers For Your Questions
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Jen, thanks for your submission. I'll answer your questions first.

You asked:

1) If he goes to abusive partner classes, do you think he can change?
That's entirely up to him. One thing for sure is that if he does not deal with his alcohol addiction, no classes or programs will help, and you will not be safe.

2) Does he need substance abuse courses as well?
Yes, but again, that's no guarantee that things will change.

3) Why does this only come out when he's drinking around friends?
I don't know, but it's not unusual for alcoholics to have worse problems in certain situations. You don't need to understand this, you just need to know how to take care of yourself and keep yourself safe.

It is very important that you stop trying to help Kirby. If he's going to get better, the change has to come from him. You can actually make things worse by trying to help.

You might want to attend an ALANON meeting in your area, or read online from some of their material.

Please read this article about alcohol abuse, so that you understand better what you're dealing with.

Take care of yourself. You're the only one who can.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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