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My brother has always had anger problems. His choice to fix his problems is to yell, scream, throw things and blame everyone else for what is wrong. He never takes the blame for anything, even when it is obviously his fault. For example, he backed his van out of a garage and side-swiped the mirror and broke it. His response to it was to blame his wife by telling her "you didn't tell me not to do that!"
He got married in his early 20s and his wife became the victim of his temper. If she did something he didn't like, he had to scream at her about it. If she spent 10 cents more on groceries than allowed, he would go ballistic. She had to ask permission to spend money. If she tried dressing up and putting on make-up he'd tell her she looks like a ridiculous clown.
They ended up having 5 kids together. His oldest, a daughter, has always been treated as if the other 4 kids are her responsibility. While his wife was at work, he would stay in his room, usually asleep and put his daughter in charge. If the other kids did anything wrong, it was her fault for letting them.
He lives like a slob - very messy, disorganized, with piles of junk and trash as high as the door knob of the room. If the kids touched any of his stuff, or did something bad, he would scream at them, and hit them excessively hard. This could even be over something as simple as not picking up their toys. Sometimes he punched them in the arm or the leg.
When his wife was pregnant, she had to sleep on the couch because he would have his things all over the bed and she wasn't allowed to move or touch them because "she would lose them." When he gets really mad he starts pacing really hard, or jumping up and down. He might pick something up and throw it - though he says it's not his fault if it got broken!
One time he was fighting with his wife and ran out the door to go to work, slamming it behind him with the door locked. He had forgotten something in the house and instead of asking someone to unlock the door he just kicked the door in, scaring his kids who were just toddlers at the time.
These are just a few examples of how he could be. Many times his wife gave him ultimatums of getting counseling or they were done. He went to counseling but it never did any good. He always went right back to his old habits. Many times I came close to calling child services for the kids’ sake. I bit my tongue because I was afraid of what would happen to the kids - if they would get taken away or something like that.
After enduring 13 years of abuse, his wife decided to take the kids to a domestic shelter. She got a protective order for herself and the kids. She also filed for divorce. The protective order meant that my brother couldn't live at his home anymore so my parents allowed him to come live with us. He still does not feel that he has ever done anything wrong or deserved to have his life changed for him.
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