13 Years After My Mom's Death And I'm Still Angry

by Lucy
(Zimbabwe)

On April 2, 2002, my mom passed away. She was my mom, my sister and my best friend.

My parents split up soon after I was conceived, and I never met my father. She later married a man who treated me like his own. I didn't know it was an act.

He never abused me in any way. I don't think he ever hit my mom, but he cheated on her like a randy goat! I only got to know about this when she was gone, by going through her diary. Then I realized the whole "happy family" was a lie.

My mom's cause of death was listed as TB, Meningitis and immunosuppression. I guess it was a polite way of saying AIDS. What still hurts is she left when I really needed her. I was turning 18, the time all girls need moms to guide them.

I blame my stepfather for infecting her with HIV. He is still alive. I wish God would answer my question why.

I want to ask my mom why she didn't leave before it was too late? I am an only child and I didn't want to hurt my elderly grandmother by grieving too much. I tried to be strong for her.

I ask God why he would take my mom, a devout Christian who was always kind and willing to help, to forgive? I am now married with two handsome boys. I am easily angered and can emotionally shut off.

A part of me died with my mom, I honestly don't know if it will come back.