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Best Friend's Behavior Hurts

by S.Singh

My best friend and I had planned that I'd come to her house on Friday, a week ago. Actually her house is nearby a market and I had some work in the market. I just told her that I got some work in the market. She told me to come to her house. I mean I didn't invite myself.

When the proposed Friday came, I texted her that I am in the market with my mom and asked her if she's back from tuition. She replied back saying that she's with her boyfriend and her mom's not at home.

After this I just dropped the plan as I didn't want to disturb her. We had not met since a week. Later when we were chatting on gtalk, she said she was sorry and that she's feeling bad, without me even asking her for an explanation. She thought I was with my mom, so how could I have come over anyway, but I said it was not a problem. She said that her boyfriend told her to tell me to come but she didn't.

My house is far away from her house so it isn't possible everyday to go there. We had planned it a week ago. She has changed since I first knew her.

Should I feel bad? Was it right on her part?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello S. Singh. Thank you for writing your question on this site. As far as I can tell, neither you or your friend did anything wrong. These things just happen in friendships.

You ask, "Should I feel bad?" My response is that whatever you feel is okay, but I'm sure you want to feel good as quickly as you can. So, in order to get to a good feeling, think of how your friend tried to make things right by saying she was sorry, and by communicating with you about the changed plans on Friday. She's not perfect, but she sounds like a pretty good friend. It sounds like she likes you, and she likes her boyfriend too.

Another thought to consider: most people change their friendship patterns when they get a new boyfriend or girlfriend. This is normal. Look at all of the things that are right and good about this situation. 1) You have a friend 2) Your friend cares enough to communicate with you after she has let you down 3) Your friend that you care about has a boyfriend 4) You are smart enough to write your question for this web site, instead of just being angry or sad and making your situation worse.

I hope this helps. All my best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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