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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "All Love Needs To Be Tough Sometimes"
December 15, 2017

When To Use Tough Love
With The Power Of Healthy Anger

tough love

December 15, 2017
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #115

Contents Of This Newsletter

(In case these links don't work on your mobile device, click here to read the newsletter on the web with full functionality). Note: This newsletter is an updated version of the June, 2010 issue.

What Is Tough Love?

Love only has to be tough in a challenging or difficult relationship. And, all relationships are challenging at some point, so tough love is something just about everybody needs to understand.

Here are some ideas to help you get started:

  • Tough love can be defined as: Setting clear boundaries and limits to actions and options of others in your life, while remaining kind, respectful and empathetic for the other person.

  • When love is tough, it's still love. If the "tough" part gets too big, the love gets crowded out, and it just doesn't do any good.

  • Tough love has a lot to do with healthy anger. When anger is healthy, it works in support of love, and when love is tough, it has healthy anger in it. But the love is always the strongest part.

  • Tough love might seem mean, cold and unkind to the other person, because of the clear, firm boundaries being set.

Think of times in your past when you or someone else has set clear boundaries in a loving, clear and compassionate way. How did you know the love was there? How did you know the boundaries were clear? Thinking through those types of experiences will tell you a lot about tough love.

Tough love is most needed in the following situations:

  1. Setting limits for children and adolescents. Limits without love just don't work. When your child feels loved, the limits are almost always accepted.

  2. Establishing boundaries around intimacy and sexual contact. A lot of people, women in particular, feel that their body belongs to whoever wants to have their way with them. This always leads to problems, and tough love is greatly needed here.

  3. Ending a relationship. It is surprising to me how many people stay in unhealthy relationships long after they need to leave them. In the worst case, this can be a battered person scenario, but there are many milder cases as well. Read these letting go quotes to help.

"Tough love is real love, and it is never mean or intentionally hurtful."

William DeFoore

Without tough love, you will be walked on, taken advantage of, and possibly abused. Make up your mind to learn healthy anger and tough love now!

Keep your positive connections working for you by discovering all of the ways to participate in the Goodfinding Community Online page.

tough love

How Tough Love Can Help You

Tough love can help you be happy and have healthy, enjoyable relationships. Another term for tough love is healthy anger. When anger is healthy, it works hand-in-hand with love and wisdom, which is a good definition of tough love.

Here are some things to consider about tough love:

  • Tough love means knowing when and how to say "No!"

  • Tough love comes from self love. If you don't love yourself, you simply will not stand up for yourself and set boundaries.

  • Tough love also means having empathy for the other person. Love just does not exist without empathy.

  • If you "avoid conflict" or "can't stand conflict," you probably don't have tough love skills. These conflict resolution skills will show you how you can express tough love in a relationship.

These relationship quotes and this relationship advice will also help you, as well as this CD program that gives a lot of information about boundaries in marriage and this one for parents of adolescents.


healthy anger

This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you develop healthy anger so that you can use tough love when you need to..

Take advantage of the free previews when you click on the image above, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.

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What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as My Wife vs. My Family by a man who feels caught in the middle between his wife and his family of origin, and From Adoring To Bully Mom by mother who found her anger beginning to come out after the birth of her second child.

We Have A Mobile Site. Please visit our site, using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.

Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!

New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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