Why Do We Hold On?
Holding on is automatic and instinctive. Every child holds on to her mother, her blanket, and her toys.
It's all about love and need. The more you love and/or need someone, the more you fear losing them--and so you hold on.
But...holding on too long or too hard leads to all kinds of problems:
- Holding on to someone you love can cause you to try to control them. Many times, you're holding on to "who you want them to be," instead of loving them as they are.
- You may hold on because you're afraid of losing them, and so you want to control their choices, so that they don't leave or threaten your security.
- Next comes anger. When you're holding onto someone too tight, you'll be watching their every move, and when you see anything that triggers your fear, you're very likely to get angry.
- Holding on is a closed hand, which too often turns into a fist.
Think of it this way...
"When you truly love someone, you cherish their freedom, and you would never do anything to clip their wings."
The challenge of moving from holding on to letting go is a huge one. Instinctive fear says, "Never let go," so you're going against some powerful internal forces when you make this shift.
So, what's so important about letting go? Well...a lot. Keep reading.
What Is Letting Go?
At the same time that holding on is instinctive, letting go also connects with a very basic aspect of your
Your most basic human need is to love and be loved. While fear and anger cause you to hold on too tight too long, genuine love gives you the strength and freedom to let go.
Let's look more closely at what we mean by letting go:
- Letting go of someone means getting out of their way, not "fixing them" or trying to change them. You have to give up the idea that you know "what's best for them."
- Letting go of someone honors their freedom and independence as a human being to make their own decisions and
their own mistakes.
- Letting go means you believe in yourself, and your security or peace of mind does not depend on the other person acting or not acting in a certain way.
- Love is letting go. Love is an open hand of forgiveness, release and respect.
We have a few web pages that will take you further with this. Check out these pages:
This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you understand and navigate the territory of holding on, letting go, forgiving, and improving your love relationships.
Take advantage of the free previews, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.
Welcome To New Subscribers
The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep
up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.
If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.
Back to Top of Page
What's New On The Web Site?
New Inner Child Audiobook!. Brand New Release - Your New Inner Child: Release Yourself Into Love, Joy & Creativity. Especially designed to follow Nurturing Your Inner Child, this audiobook will take you forward into the truly joyful and loving experiences you have always wanted.
New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as, Should I Marry Him Even Though
He's Abusive? by a young woman who is having a hard time placing her own needs first in her life, and Always Willing To Grow by Danielle, who is on the right track, just needing some gentle guidance in the right direction.
Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!
Our Other Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created another web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit goodfinding.com and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.
P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.
P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!
Back to Top of Page