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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "How Do You Talk To Yourself?"
August 15, 2019

How Do You Talk To Yourself?
Make It Work For You Not Against You

Self Talk

August 15, 2019
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #135

(Archive Issue from 2015)

Contents of this newsletter

What Is Self-Talk?

Self-talk is your thoughts. It's what you're thinking in your mind, about yourself and the world around you.

You're always "talking" to yourself (thinking), whether you realize it or not, so why not make it work for you instead of against you?

One of the ways you get really angry is by talking to yourself in a very negative way that just builds your frustration and resentment.

Let's look at how your negative self-talk got started:

  • You have had a lot of experiences in your life, and some of them were painful & traumatic for you, emotionally.

  • When you have negative emotional experiences, your brain tries to figure things out, to prevent the bad things from happening again.

  • In the process of figuring things out, your brain comes to conclusions, and those conclusions become your beliefs.

  • For example, Jimmy's dad left when he was a little boy, and being a child, Jimmy concluded that it was his fault. His conclusions/beliefs would be something like, "There's something wrong with me," "I'm not good enough to be loved," and/or, "I have to try to get everybody to like me so they won't leave."

  • These beliefs set up life-long behavior patterns, and as an adult Jimmy's self-talk might revolve around his fears and strategies to keep people from abandoning him.

Jimmy might then fall into some very bad anger patterns, revolving around fears of people leaving, such as with jealousy and possessiveness.

"When you make your internal self talk positive, you're laying the groundwork for good relationships and success in your personal and professional life."

William DeFoore

Keeping your mind focused on positive thoughts is an excellent way to develop a habit of positive self-talk.

This is not difficult or complicated. You don't have to join any organization, or learn any new words. Just take the steps listed below, and you'll be surprised how fast you start feeling better.

Self Talk

How Do You Change Your Self-talk?

First, you go back to where it all began, then work your way forward to where you want to be.

Now let's go through the step-by-step process:

  • Revisit your most powerful emotional experiences, with compassion and understanding for yourself. This actually helps you to heal emotionally, as with inner child work.

  • Ask yourself what you concluded from these experiences, about yourself, about the cause of what happened, about other people, and about life in general. Also ask yourself what you decided to do going forward, to prevent bad things and get more of the good.

  • Get New Positive Thoughts Every Day In Your Inbox

  • Look through your list of conclusions, thoughts and strategies, and make a separate list of any beliefs that are self-limiting to you in any way.

  • Now replace each of these old beliefs with new, positive, uplifting ones that take you where you want to go.

  • Then, repeat these new, positive statements to yourself several times a day, until they become automatic and running in the background.

This is all a part of learning to love yourself.

If you're having trouble with this exercise, and the old negative beliefs just won't let go, you may need some counseling. No matter what, don't give up on yourself.

Inner Child

This highly effective audio program, available as CDs or MP3 download, will help you finally learn to love yourself. In this program, you will actually be guided by Dr. DeFoore to talk to yourself in loving, affirming words that bring healing and joy to your heart and soul. Get your copy now.

Take advantage of the free previews, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction, when you follow the links above.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

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What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as 13 Year Old Son's Aggressive Behavior by Sarah from Brisbane, a mom who's doing a good job with her son and is looking for support and guidance, and this story by Seme from Winnipeg who is clearly in an abusive relationship and trying to figure things out: Abusive Partner Or Abusive Me.

We Have A Mobile Site. Please visit our site, using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.

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New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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