June 15, 2020
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #145
Archive issue from November 2013
Contents of this newsletter
What Is Justified Anger?
Basically, you feel justified in your anger when you know for sure why you're angry. For example, if something has happened to you, or someone has offended or hurt you, you are very likely to feel justified in your feelings of anger.
The only thing is, if you go overboard in how you express your anger, it won't feel justified any more. Here are
some more points to consider:
- Ultimately, all anger is justified, meaning there is always a good reason in there somewhere, if you're feeling angry.
- If you don't know the reason, then your anger will not feel justified, and you may suppress it, to the detriment of your health.
- Also, if you express your anger in ways that are harmful to others, you will no longer feel justified...at least your actions will not feel justified. For example, you are justified in being angry if someone drives aggressively, endangering your life...but if you shoot them or ram them with your vehicle, then you've become a bigger problem than they were.
- The bottom line here is that the emotion of anger is always justified, meaning there are always good reasons for feeling angry. However, the action you take in
anger is another matter entirely.
I think you get the idea here. It's important to remember that feeling justified can allow you to rationalize destructive and/or abusive behavior, which is never justified.
What Can I Do About It?
Keep in mind that at some level, in some way, your anger is always justified.
Your body/mind complex is a brilliantly designed organism, and your emotions are a naturally occurring part of this design. But since you probably weren't guided to express your anger in healthy ways, you might feel
(like a lot of people do), that your anger is never justified. Here are some steps to take:
- When you feel angry, always look for the story behind it, and that's where you will find the real reason, or justification for it.
- The external reason you feel justified might not be the real reason, and that's very important to know.
- Say to yourself, "I think I'm mad about this situation or person, but what I'm really feeling inside is..." You may find pain or fear in there, which is usually the fuel for anger.
- Once you have a fairly clear idea of why you're angry, write about that story or those feelings, just to give yourself the opportunity to process. Then use the steps in our FAQ page to do the rest of your
One of the outcomes I hope you get here is self acceptance and a greater self esteem. Low self esteem and internal conflict are often one of the greatest causes of anger problems.
Just think through these points, and maybe do some journaling, and begin making the all-important distinction between your anger and your actions...they're not the same.
These are the best online anger management classes that I know of, designed by A.J. Novick, Ph.D. I believe so strongly in his programs that I am an affiliate for his company, and highly endorse what he offers. Choose from 8, 12, 16 or 26 hour courses, based on your need.
You can also use these to fulfill a court-ordered mandate, and they offer classes specifically designed for adolescents as well.
Welcome To New Subscribers
The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.
If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.
Back to Top of Page
What's New On The Web Site? New web pages for you
. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as I Trusted My Ex Boyfriend Only To Be Betrayed Again
by a woman doing her best to let go of a bad situation, and this story by a man trying to get over a betrayal that is hard to imagine: My Wife Left Me For A 17 Year Old
. We Have A Mobile Site
. Please visit our site, AngerManagementResource.com using your smart phone
, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback
-- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think
! Thanks in advance. Check Out Our Facebook Page!
It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore
and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter
! New Web Site!
That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit goodfinding.com
and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding
, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes
P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.
P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from
the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!
Back to Top of Page