Back to Back Issues Page
Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "How To Respect Boundaries"
November 15, 2016

How To Respect Boundaries
By Being Connected With Yourself

personal boundaries

November 15, 2016
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #102

Contents Of This Newsletter

(In case these links don't work on your mobile device, click here to read the newsletter on the web with full functionality)

It's A Matter Of Respect

Your greatest emotional need is to love and be loved. And boundaries are all about love.

You can't have love without respect. Respect is the foundation on which love stands, therefore, understanding and respecting personal boundaries is key to creating and allowing love.

Consider these points about respect:

  • No human being is the property of another human being...even children. Every being is sovereign in their own domain, and worthy of respect just because of their humanity.

  • In many ways, respect is about honoring the physical, emotional and mental space of another person. All forms of abuse, for example, represent a disrespectful violation of boundaries.

  • Allowing others to have different viewpoints, emotions and preferences, for example, is a matter of respecting their mental and emotional boundaries.

  • And when it comes to sexual boundaries, no human being has the right to touch another human being sexually without their clear, unequivocal permission.

  • Respect for physical boundaries is a very touchy (get it?) subject. And, this requires a clear and healthy intuitive sense on your part, which we'll discuss further in the next section.

In order to respect another person, you have to respect yourself. Generally, we tend to treat other people in ways that reflect how we feel about ourselves.

In other words, if you have low self esteem, or even anger toward yourself, it will be very hard for you to respect the boundaries of others.

"Respect is the foundation of love. Without respect, there is no love."

William DeFoore

There is an old saying, "As within, so without." That means that whatever is going on inside you will be reflected in how you treat the world around you.

Think of the kindest, and most consistently respectful people you know. You'll probably find that they also have a great deal of respect for themselves.

Respecting the boundaries of others is about creating a feeling of safety in your presence. This will make it easier for them to love you.

Another word that comes to mind here is dignity. Whether you think of it often or not, I assure you that your dignity is very important to you. And respecting boundaries of those around you will most definitely add to your dignity as a person.

line in sand

How To Read Nonverbal Cues From Others

Respecting the boundaries of others is not an exact science, and for some people it can be very challenging.'s like drawing a line in the sand.

It's a matter of paying very close attention, and being able to interpret what you see and sense about the comfort or discomfort of another person. The four components of Emotional Intelligence come to mind here...they are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness and relationship management.

You can't have good social awareness without self awareness, and you can't successfully manage your relationships unless you can successfully manage your own emotions.

Here are some important points to consider on how to accurately read the nonverbal signals of others:

  • Eye contact is key. A person's eyes will give you a lot of information about how they're feeling, and then your gut feeling (intuition) will guide you from there.

  • Notice whether they seem relaxed or tense. People will automatically tense up when you get close to or cross a boundary. You know you're doing well if they seem very relaxed and at ease in your presence.

  • Your own intuitive sense is your best guide, and for that to work well for you, you have to be in alignment with your very best self.

  • Notice the breathing of the other person. Does their breathing seem deep and relaxed, or is it shallow, rapid or erratic? This again tells you how comfortable they are with what you're saying, how close you're standing, and what kind of emotion you're expressing.

The best thing you can do to improve in this area is to get to know yourself at the deepest level possible. There is no substitute for self-awareness and self-love.

You have deep inner wisdom that you are probably not tapping into as much as you could. There is tremendous value inside you!



This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you to access and develop your self-awareness and self-respect so that it will become easier and easier for you to identify and respect the boundaries of others.

Take advantage of the free previews when you click on the image above, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.

Back to Top of Page

What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as My Road Rage Scares Me And I'm Sick Of It by a man who wants to be safe and comfortable behind the wheel, and Hanging On To Worthless Feelings by a woman who is trying to let go of the desire for revenge.

We Have A Mobile Site. Please visit our site, using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.

Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!

New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

Back to Top of Page

Back to Back Issues Page