Arguing Makes It Worse

In a conversation with someone, you don't start out thinking "I'm going to argue with them." You think you're having a conversation, or a friendly debate.

You think you're being reasonable, and that the other person will be reasonable and consider your viewpoint. However, you might find that both of you just want to be right, and you want the other to agree with you. That's an argument, not a conversation.

So what do you do? You're smart enough to know that arguing gets you nowhere, and usually makes things worse, not better.

• The first step is to step out of the argument into an authentic curiosity. Say something like, "That's interesting. Tell me how you arrived at that viewpoint."


• You have to feel genuinely interested for this to work. If you're angry or sarcastic, you just need to politely walk away.


• You can avoid a lot of conflict with this simple technique.


• As the conversation progresses, remain curious. Regardless of what the other person says, just respond with "That's interesting," or, "I never thought of it that way."


• You're not agreeing or disagreeing, so you've successfully avoided an argument, and maybe even developed some empathy and understanding of the other person's feelings or perspective.

If you get caught up in the argument, then both of you are trying to be "right" which means you're coming from a place of fear and insecurity.

Think of it this way...