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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "Why So Much Anger In My Relationship?"
May 15, 2021

Why So Much Anger?
How To Have A Happy Relationship

happy relationships

May 15, 2021
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #156

Archive issue from May, 2018

Contents Of This Newsletter

Why So Much Anger In My Relationships?

Have you ever heard the term, "intimate enemy?" It's a real deal...evidenced by the fact that domestic violence calls are the most dangerous calls that police officers make.

You didn't plan to be angry in your relationship in the beginning. Your relationship started with love, right? So how did things go sour, leading to all of the anger?

There are lots of reasons. Here are a few:

  • When you love someone, and especially if you choose to make a long term commitment and/or marry them, you make yourself very vulnerable.

  • You're vulnerable because the more you love someone, the more power they have to hurt you. This is nobody's fault, it's just the way it is.

  • So, without planning to or meaning to, you end up being frustrated and angry at this person you chose to be intimate with, because they just won't act right, and they are causing you stress and distress.

  • In the worst case, the person you love becomes the biggest threat to your happiness.

  • One more thing...very important...we treat others how we treat ourselves. So you actually need to have a good relationship with yourself to create a good relationship with your loved ones.

It is good to start there...with your relationship with yourself. Learn now how to love yourself, and the relationship part will be much easier for you.

"Love starts when you choose to love what is lovable in your partner, and trust them to take care of the other parts."

William DeFoore

The effort to change your partner by judging, criticising, questioning and doubting them will only make things worse. If they aren't lovable and trustworthy, end the relationship! You simply cannot change another person.

It's hard to stop the negative focus on all of the things that bother you about your partner, so get started now with retraining your brain to focus on the positive, if the relationship is worth salvaging.

Keep your positive connections working for you by discovering all of the ways to participate in the Goodfinding Community Online page.

happy relationships

How Can I Have Happy Relationships?

As the chart above suggests, you started with the best of intentions, and then things went bad over time. Let's see if your relationship is fixable.

Let's face it...everybody has some aspects that are just unlovable. Don't try to love the unlovable parts, it just won't work. And, as I've mentioned, you can't fix them either.

Here are some steps to take to create a happy relationship:

  • Start a daily journaling practice of writing about what you love and appreciate about your partner. When you've fallen away from love, this can help to get it started again.

  • Believe it or not, love is like a muscle...the more you practice it the stronger it gets.

  • Take really good care of yourself, so that you are not a burden to your partner. In other words, be low maintenance.

  • Create an interesting life for yourself, so that you have something good to offer in the relationship.

  • Finally, start showing your love and appreciation for your partner in as many ways as you can, on a daily and ongoing basis.

Believe me, I'm not saying this is's not. But it's doable, if you have a good enough relationship to start with.

If there is addiction or abuse in your relationship, those issues have to be resolved first, before any of this will work. Get help with relationship problems here.



This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you heal anger and disappointment and create strong, loving relationships.

Take advantage of the free previews when you click on the image above, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.

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What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as, A Never Ending Race Of Trying To Free Myself, and Where Did I Go Wrong? by a mom facing the challenge of an angry, abusive adult son in her home.

Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!

Our Other Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created another web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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