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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "The Value Of Crying"
October 15, 2021

The Value Of Crying
And How It Helps With Anger


October 15, 2021
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #161

Archive Issue from July 2017

Contents Of This Newsletter

How Does Crying Help With Anger?

There are always hurt emotions buried in and behind anger. When these emotions are released through crying, it can help anywhere from a little to a lot with healing the anger.

It takes more courage to cry than to get angry. I know, that might be hard for you to swallow, but it's really true. Ask anybody you know who has any kind of anger which they'd rather do...cry or get angry...I bet they will say that they'd rather get angry.

Here is how this happens:

  • Your greatest and deepest need is to love and be loved, and that makes you vulnerable.

  • That means you can be hurt...and we all are hurt in some way as children.

  • Naturally, you will be afraid of getting hurt again. This is natural.

  • Feeling vulnerable, hurt and afraid creates a feeling of helplessness, and nobody likes feeling helpless.

  • This is where the anger comes in. Anger feels like power and usually leads to some kind of action, which gets you out of the helpless feeling.

Anger seems like the solution to the problem of helplessness, but it usually only creates new pain, fear and helpless feelings.

When you feel safe and open enough to let go and cry, you're actually getting back to the original cause of the needed love, safety and protection, and you got hurt (abused, neglected or abandoned).

When you have a good crying release, you are really doing the work, whereas the anger is more on the surface, creating a distraction from the pain. This is what I mean by, "only the strong ones cry."

"The ability to cry and release deep, painful and even joyful emotions is a sign of good health and emotional strength."

William DeFoore

Some of the best crying release occurs in moments of joy and relief, which is when we talk about "tears of joy."

Because it's hard for some of us to cry, we'll go into some specific skills below that will help you get the release you need.

One of the best ways to feel safe enough to release deep emotion and heal is with support and encouragement from others. That's why we created the Goodfinding Community Online page.

Now let's look at some specific skills you can use to help you release your emotions through crying.


What Skills Do I Need?

Sometimes it's just hard to cry. The deeper your pain, and the longer it's been locked away, the harder it is to gain access to those emotions.

In the image above, you can see that pain and sorrow are the closest to the need to love and be loved, whereas fear and anger are a little farther away from the center, but closer to the surface. That's why for most of us it's easier to get mad than to truly feel our sorrow.

These emotions actually live more in your body than in your mind...that's why stuffing them down can sometimes make you anxious, depressed and/or physically ill. And that's why we're going to recommend some physical release techniques below.

Here are some skills you can use:

  • Journal about the greatest love you've ever felt, starting in early childhood and moving forward to the present.

  • Then write about the ways you've been hurt through neglect, abuse and abandonment. This can be challenging, so take a look at these basic emotional needs to get a better idea of ways you may have been hurt through neglect.

  • Get out photographs, cards and letters of loved ones you've lost, or the ones you're focusing your emotions on.
  • child yoga pose
  • Use physical posturing, such as getting into the fetal position, or the child yoga pose (see image to the right). This can be very helpful in sending a signal to your body that you're ready for emotional release.

  • Finally, use vocal release techniques such as softly moaning, or even wailing if it feels right.

Of course, you need privacy for this, so that you don't have to worry about anyone hearing you or interrupting you.

I know this does not sound like fun...but it's a lot better than just living with the anxiety, depression, anger and illness that results from keeping old pain and sorrow locked away inside.

Set a designated time for this type of exercise, and make up your mind to do it for anywhere from 15 minutes to an hour at most. Then put everything away, wash your face and go back to living your life...hopefully feeling a little or a lot lighter.


inner child

This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you understand and heal your deep inner emotions, and create lasting joy and love for yourself and those around you.

Take advantage of the free previews when you click on the image above, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

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What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as New Husband Terrible Problems by a woman married only 4 years, and finding that her husband has a drinking problem, and Trying And Failing Miserably by a woman concerned about her own and her husband's anger.

We Have A Mobile Site. Please visit our site, using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.

Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!

New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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