The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.
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August 15, 2013
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #063
Why Anger Is Not Good Communication
Nobody Really Wants To Hear It
Contents of this newsletter
What's New On The Web Site?
New web pages
. Read stories contributed by good people like you, wanting to make things better, such as Is This Abuse Or Not?
I think you'll find the story of The Mad Hatter
very interesting, as he finds himself moving from standing up to his family to outright road rage.
Check Out Our Facebook Page!
It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore
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, Dr. DeFoore's other web site. Find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger management, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter
How Anger Interferes With Communication
Most people just don't want to hear your anger, or what you're angry about. Why is that?
It's because most (unhealthy) anger is just complaining. If you're really honest with yourself, you will probably admit that you don't want to hear anybody complain, so why would they want to hear you? The only time somebody might want to hear your anger is if it fuels their own anger, which doesn't do you any good.
Let's look at how this works:
- Anger is a protective emotion, that arises when you feel threatened or opposed.
- So anger is objection, complaint, push back or plan of attack.
- Because it arises when there is a threat or perceived threat, you might say anger is a "pushing away" emotion, designed to create distance between you and others.
- If we agree that the purpose of communication is to create a bridge, a connection that fosters understanding and the exchange of information, then it's clear that unhealthy anger simply does not serve the purpose of communication.
So why do people try so often to communicate with anger? Good question!
It is simply out of frustration and a sense of helplessness, or the belief that "they won't hear me any other way."
Anger comes out of the emotions of fear and pain, and it's supposed to solve a problem...yet it often only makes the problem worse.
What People Really Want To Hear From You
If the other person's not looking for someone to jump on their anger bandwagon, they really don't want to hear about your anger.
People are by nature smart, good, and problem solvers, as hard as that might be to believe sometimes...it's true.
So, what they want to hear from you is:
- Humor. Most people like hearing a good joke, or a funny quip at nobody's expense.
- Some interesting new information you've found about how somebody is making the world a better place with technology, kindness or innovation.
- Solutions you've discovered to some problem you've been working on, especially if it's a solution the listener might be able to use.
- People also like to hear supportive, encouraging statements about themselves.
You're too smart and healthy to go around complaining and being angry. Start focusing on what is good, right and working in your life, and you'll see things starting to get better...if you stick with it.
Become a problem solver and a Goodfinder, and you'll find people much more interested in what you have to say, and good communications will grow in all of your relationships.
This audio CD/download program will teach you how to focus on and expand the goodness inside and all around you.
Gratitude, appreciation and optimism are just smart and healthy, for you and your relationships.
P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.
P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!
Why Is There So Much Anger?
Let me hear from you!Comments? Ideas? Feedback? I'd love to hear from you. Just reply to this ezine and tell me what you think! If you have ideas for future Healing Anger Newsletter issues, I'm open to considering them. Here is your opportunity to get involved--I might even include your comments, story or link in a future issue of this ezine.
Also, as I mentioned above I would very much like your testimonial or endorsement if you have purchased a product--or if you downloaded our free E-book!
Don't forget! We want to hear your story, and when you submit it you get your own web page on the site! Take a look at the categories you can write in now. It's easy!
This newsletter and the web site, AngerManagementResource.com were built and are maintained through a program called SiteBuildIt! It's the best way I know of to deal with the economic stress that so many are facing right now. Find out how you can start your own successful Internet business by watching these great videos about why so many people love SiteBuildIt!
Would you like to lend a helping hand? If you have purchased a book, CD or audio download, I would very much like to hear what you thought of your product! With your permission, I will publish your comments on my web site to help other visitors like yourself learn more about the products. This would be a big help!
Oh! By the way, did you get your free E-book? If so, after you've had a chance to read it and try some of the Anger Management Techniques, write to me and let me know what you think!
Thanks for being here!
William G. DeFoore
Disclosure: William DeFoore is an authorized affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company, A.J. Novick Group, Inc.,
Think Right Now International, Inc., SiteSell, Inc. and the Institute of HeartMath.