The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.
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November 15, 2013
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #066
What If Your Anger Is Justified?
What Can You Do?
Contents of this newsletter
What's New On The Web Site?
New web pages
. Read stories contributed by good people like you, wanting to make things better, such as I Can't Be With My Love And I Can't Get Over Him
. This next contributor handled an angry driver in a very healthy way, as you can read in Road Rage In A Rainy Parking Lot
. And finally, a very perplexed woman asks for help with her Adult Son Who Has Custody Of His Daughter And Lives With Me
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What Is Justified Anger?
Basically, you feel justified in your anger when you know for sure why you're angry. For example, if something has happened to you, or someone has offended or hurt you, you are very likely to feel justified in your feelings of anger.
The only thing is, if you go overboard in how you express your anger, it won't feel justified any more. Here are some more points to consider:
- Ultimately, all anger is justified, meaning there is always a good reason in there somewhere, if you're feeling angry.
- If you don't know the reason, then your anger will not feel justified, and you may suppress it, to the detriment of your health.
- Also, if you express your anger in ways that are harmful to others, you will no longer feel justified...at least your actions will not feel justified. For example, you are justified in being angry if someone drives aggressively, endangering your life...but if you shoot them or ram them with your vehicle, then you've become a bigger problem than they were.
- The bottom line here is that the emotion of anger is always justified, meaning there are always good reasons for feeling angry. However, the action you take in anger is another matter entirely.
I think you get the idea here. It's important to remember that feeling justified can allow you to rationalize destructive and/or abusive behavior, which is never justified.
What Can I Do About It?
Keep in mind that at some level, in some way, your anger is always justified.
Your body/mind complex is a brilliantly designed organism, and your emotions are a naturally occurring part of this design. But since you probably weren't guided to express your anger in healthy ways, you might feel (like a lot of people do), that your anger is never justified. Here are some steps to take:
- When you feel angry, always look for the story behind it, and that's where you will find the real reason, or justification for it.
- The external reason you feel justified might not be the real reason, and that's very important to know.
- Say to yourself, "I think I'm mad about this situation or person, but what I'm really feeling inside is..." You may find pain or fear in there, which is usually the fuel for anger.
- Once you have a fairly clear idea of why you're angry, write about that story or those feelings, just to give yourself the opportunity to process. Then use the steps in our FAQ page to do the rest of your healing work.
One of the outcomes I hope you get here is self acceptance and a greater self esteem. Low self esteem and internal conflict are often one of the greatest causes of anger problems.
Just think through these points, and maybe do some journaling, and begin making the all-important distinction between your anger and your actions...they're not the same.
These are the best online anger management classes that I know of, designed by A.J. Novick, Ph.D. I believe so strongly in his programs that I am an affiliate for his company, and highly endorse what he offers. Choose from 8, 12, 16 or 26 hour courses, based on your need.
You can also use these to fulfill a court-ordered mandate, and they offer classes specifically designed for adolescents as well.
P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.
P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!
Healthy Anger And Assertive Skills
Let me hear from you!Comments? Ideas? Feedback? I'd love to hear from you. Just reply to this ezine and tell me what you think! If you have ideas for future Healing Anger Newsletter issues, I'm open to considering them. Here is your opportunity to get involved--I might even include your comments, story or link in a future issue of this ezine.
Also, as I mentioned above I would very much like your testimonial or endorsement if you have purchased a product--or if you downloaded our free E-book!
Don't forget! We want to hear your story, and when you submit it you get your own web page on the site! Take a look at the categories you can write in now. It's easy!
This newsletter and the web site, AngerManagementResource.com were built and are maintained through a program called SiteBuildIt! It's the best way I know of to deal with the economic stress that so many are facing right now. Find out how you can start your own successful Internet business by watching these great videos about why so many people love SiteBuildIt!
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Oh! By the way, did you get your free E-book? If so, after you've had a chance to read it and try some of the Anger Management Techniques, write to me and let me know what you think!
Thanks for being here!
William G. DeFoore
Disclosure: William DeFoore is an authorized affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company, A.J. Novick Group, Inc.,
Think Right Now International, Inc., SiteSell, Inc. and the Institute of HeartMath.