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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "Don't Be A Victim"
January 15, 2021

Don't Be A Victim
Claim Responsibility & Freedom To Choose

victim mentality

January 15, 2021
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #152

Archive issue from August, 2014

Contents of this newsletter

Who Feels Like A Victim?

Nobody wants to be a victim, but it happens to everyone at some point. Sometimes, it's nobody's fault, it's just life happening.

There are two parts to this: 1) the stuff that happens, and 2) how we feel, think and act in response to it. Sometimes we don't have any control about the stuff that happens, but we have a lot of freedom to choose (control) when it comes to our feelings, thoughts and actions.

Let's look at the different ways we end up feeling like (and sometimes actually being) a victim:

  • We are born as small, helpless beings. It's children, we are indeed victims of the circumstances we're born into. This is our first (and very profound) experience of feeling like a victim. The feeling decreases as we develop independence and responsibility.

  • We feel like victims (at any age) when we're on the receiving end of abuse, bullying, violence or violation. This is a physical fact, which is why in legal language you hear the term "crime victim."

  • People caught up in natural disasters and living in countries with tyrranical leadership are also victims by fact of their circumstances.

  • Finally, there are those people who feel like victims, when they actually are not. This is where you can make a difference.

Everybody feels like a victim from time to time, but our point here is that you want to get out of that victim feeling as soon as you possibly can.

Even in the first three examples above, some people will fall into the victim mentality, and some won't. I recommend that you be one of those who does not see yourself as a victim, no matter what happens.

Consider this important point...

"Most perpetrators of abuse will describe themselves as 'victims.' This is how they justify their destructive behavior."

William DeFoore

Claiming the "victim position" is a way of denying any responsibility or blame. This is tricky...because we certainly don't want to "blame the victim" and we also don't want to excuse bad behavior for those claiming to be victims. Ask any courtroom judge how difficult it can be to figure out exactly who the victim was.

Now let's jump into some solutions.

freedom and responsibilty

How To Set Yourself Free

It's one thing to be a victim, and it's something else entirely to feel like a victim!

If you choose to feel like or think of yourself as a victim, you're denying responsibility and making yourself helpless...and probably angry. Although you may not realize it, most anger comes from feeling victimized.

Here is your path to freedom!

  • You don't have to take responsibility for any bad or unhealthy behavior of other people.

  • Your freedom comes when you take responsility for how you think, feel and act in response to what happened to you.

  • When bad things happen, ask yourself: 1) What did I do (if anything) to contribute to this outcome? and 2) What can I do now so that it doesn't happen again?

  • You set yourself free as soon as you start asking these questions. Make up your mind that you're going to get smarter and stronger by learning as much as you can from anything that happens in your life.

These are powerful insights and tools...but they will only work for you if you use them!

The more you use them, the better they will work for you, and the more skilled you will become.


This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you step out of the victim position by looking for and focusing on what is good, right and working about you, your life and your circumstances.

Take advantage of the free previews, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

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What's New On The Web Site?

New articles and links. Were you a victim of childhood emotional neglect? It's kind of hard to know for sure...this quiz will help you know for sure. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as this story from a struggling stay home mom, and this one called My Boyfriend Seems Like A Jekyll And Hyde.

We Have A Mobile Site Please visit our site, using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.

Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!

New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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