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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "Self-acceptance Is Key To Change"
December 15, 2016

Self Acceptance
Is The First Step To Lasting Change

Important Things

December 15, 2016
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #103

Contents Of This Newsletter

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Why Should I Accept Myself As I Am?

You're either growing and improving, or you're moving backwards...there is no standing still.

That means change is inevitable, and if you're not changing in a positive direction, it will go the other way. Self-acceptance is the first step to change.

Let's consider some other points here:

  • We're not saying you should accept any bad or dysfunctional patterns. You're not telling yourself it's OK to keep being angry all the time, for example.

  • You're accepting that good person know, the one with the good heart who just wants to make things better.

  • This acceptance brings you a sense of balance and well being, that actually makes it easier for you to make positive changes in the direction you want to go.

  • Likewise, guilt, low self-esteem and self-loathing keep you stuck right where you are.

  • So, when you accept yourself, you're literally opening the door to the positive improvements you've always wanted to make.

Ironically, one of the purposes of guilt and negative thoughts about yourself is to get yourself to change and improve. But it has the exact opposite results.

Guilt and low self-esteem drain your energy and make the dysfunctional behavior more likely to continue.

"‚ÄčThe curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change."

Carl Rogers, Ph.D.

Changing your behavior and your thought patterns is very challenging, and you need all of the energy you can get to make it happen in a lasting way.

When you move into a place of accepting yourself as the imperfect and wonderful human being that you are, you will breathe a sigh of relief, gain new energy, and be more motivated to start those new self-improvement plans you've been meaning to get to.

When you accept yourself as you are now, you will want to provide an even better future for yourself.

Self-acceptance opens the doorway to self appreciation and self-love, which are the best motivators for positive and lasting behavior change.

Facing Yourself

How Do I Accept Myself?

It's so easy to see your own flaws, right? Some of us actually dwell on our flaws and shortcomings, and that can create anxiety, depression and anger.

This is because of your problem-solving brain running its default program of trying to fix what's wrong...and in the process, it fixates on what's wrong.

So, you have to override this automatic problem focus, by deliberately reminding yourself of your good intentions, your good deeds, and your good heart.

Here are some steps you can take:

  • Do a personal inventory, listing and journaling about your best efforts and accomplishments.

  • Regardless of outcomes, keep your attention focused on how much you wanted things to work out well, for you and others.

  • If you hit a wall, or run into some self-negation along the way, use self-talk like, "Well, at least this didn't happen..." while thinking about how it could have been much worse. And then find some positive aspect of the outcomes, and say to yourself, "Well, at least this good thing happened."

  • Now pull out all of the stops, and celebrate your wins! Write a list of all of your greatest accomplishments, however big or small, and just say to yourself, "That's good, and that's good" and keep going until you run out of subject matter.

There's no point in waiting for someone else to come along and tell you all of this. That may or may not happen, but there is no guarantee.

You're the one who knows the inside story. Only you know how hard you've tried, and how much you've wanted the good things to come.

So, exercise that power that only you have, and give yourself the love, approval and acceptance you want.



This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will help you to access and develop your self-love and self acceptance so that you can begin and maintain your journey to the amazing human being you've always dreamed of being.

Take advantage of the free previews when you click on the image above, and the no-risk return policy that guarantees your satisfaction.

Welcome To New Subscribers

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What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as I'm My Mother's Caretaker And I'm Angry At My Siblings by a woman who is a caretaker of her ailing mother, and From Love To Captain's Mast by a man who is starting to see the results of his desire for revenge.

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New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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