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Dr. DeFoore's Healing Anger Newsletter entitled "How To Be Both Good And Angry"
June 15, 2022

Good And Angry
How To Be Both At The Same Time

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June 15, 2022
Healing Anger Newsletter, Issue #169

Archive Issue from October 2012

Good And Angry
How You Can Be Both

Contents of this newsletter

Why Do I Feel Like I'm Bad When I'm Angry?

Most people think that anger is just plain bad, so naturally, most people think they're bad if they're angry. This started in childhood, when you were punished or ignored when you were angry.

How many people do you know who learned that anger is acceptable when they were children--not many? It's pretty rare, huh? Here's why you might feel like you're a bad person for being angry:

  • Even if you've haven't harmed anyone, you probably learned as a child that anger is unacceptable, and just downright wrong.

  • Anger is connected with pain and fear, and you probably learned that those emotions are also unacceptable.

  • As a child, you didn't know how to separate your emotions from yourself, so your subconscious thought was, "If my anger is bad, then I'm bad for feeling angry."

  • Like most people, you've probably lashed out in anger towards some of the people you love the most. Pretty hard to feel good about that.

  • In summary, you never learned to accept and express your anger in healthy ways, so you felt bad about yourself for having it and for unintentionally hurting others when you were angry. That's why you feel bad when you're angry.

This can become a "negative spiral," taking you further and further into your pain, fear and angry and destructive behavior.

Being angry doesn't make you bad. The important thing is what you do when you're angry.

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How Can I Be Good And Angry At The Same Time?

You are naturally a good person. You were born with the need to love and be loved, like everyone else.

Your behavior may have taken you a long way from the good person you want to be, but that happens to a lot of us.

Here's how you can be both good and angry at the same time:

  • First, know that you're a good person, and that anger is a healthy emotion--so naturally you can be good and angry at the same time.

  • The hard part is to feel good while you're angry. That's not so easy, but it can be done.

  • Anger is a protector, and it does not have to be destructive. It can actually be a loving protector, like a guardian angel.

  • The trick is to heal yourself emotionally first, then learn how to express your anger in healthy ways.

  • When you accomplish this, your healthy anger will show up as determination, commitment, focus and motivation. That makes it a whole lot easier to feel good about yourself.

The only way to be good and angry at the same time is to get your anger working alongside your values and your good heart.

Make up your mind to heal your anger, and learn to express it in healthy ways. Then it will work for you, instead of against you.

healthy anger

This audio CD program, also available for download as an MP3 file to play on your computer, iPod or other MP3 player, will help you learn to heal your anger and express it in healthy ways.

Welcome To New Subscribers

The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.

If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.

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What's New On The Web Site?

New web pages for you. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as I Don't Mean To Be Mean by a man who has tried everything and he's still angry.

We Have A Mobile Site. Please visit our site, using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.

Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!

New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created an all new web site that is all about helping you feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter, and/or the Daily Goodfinding Quotes.

P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.

P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!

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