What Are The Types Of Abandonment?
We're going to focus on physical abandonment here, since emotional abandonment is really more a matter of neglect -- which I'll cover in the next newsletter.
Abandonment occurs when a caregiver or significant other is just not there
physically. Emotional abandonment (neglect) is when the caregiver, usually a parent, is there physically but does not connect with or directly care for the child.
Here are some of the types of abandonment:
- Abandonment by death or chronic illness. The feelings of abandonment are real, but there is usually guilt associated with these feelings, because the deceased or ill person cannot be blamed.
- The most common type of abandonment is when the parent/caregiver just goes away and doesn't come back, or comes back very seldom and doesn't fully engage in caring.
- There is also spousal abandonment, where a husband or wife abandons their spouse.
Regardless of the reasons for the abandonment, the emotional impact is devastating, and often sets up life-long emotional and behavioral patterns that interfere with healthy loving relationships.
The good news is that you don't have to live with these patterns for the rest of your life.
Abandonment issues run deep, affecting your sense of worth and value as a person, so that's exactly where the healing needs to be focused.
What Are The Effects Of Abandonment?
What we're talking about here is how different people respond to being abandoned. We are all very unique individuals, so no two people are going to react in exactly the same way.
Let's look at some of the most common patterns here:
- It is very common for anger problems to result from abandonment. The pain and fear of being left and unwanted is so deep that it can drive blind rage in some cases.
- It almost seems like the angry, abandoned person feels that it's better to push others away before they leave...but this process is never a rational, conscious one.
- Another pattern, perhaps less common, is where the abandoned person becomes very focused on pleasing others, to insure that they don't leave.
- And, of course, you may find a combination of these patterns, which is probably more common than one or the other in pure form.
It's really all about love. Your greatest need as a human being is to love and be loved, and when you are abandoned, the pain and fear are all about being unwanted, unworthy and even unlovable.
Now for the solutions. The healing is also all about love. You have to love and never abandon yourself.
This is a little tricky, and may require professional counseling. It's a deep and thorough process of learning that the abandonment was not your fault...and really getting that, deep in your subconscious mind.
This highly effective audio program, available as a CD or MP3 download, will give you all of the basics on how to understand and heal
your abandonment issues. This program uses powerful imagery and spoken messages that actually allow you to communicate with your subconscious mind for emotional healing. Listen to a free preview, and purchase your CD or download.
Welcome To New Subscribers
The Healing Anger Newsletter brings you a refreshing, helpful and upbeat approach to anger management and how it can work for you in every aspect of your life. Here is your chance to keep up with my (Dr. DeFoore here) latest
discoveries and insights on anger management and how you can heal the anger in yourself, your family, your school and your workplace.
If you like this ezine, please do a friend and me a big favor and "pay it forward" by forwarding it to them. If a friend did forward this to you and if you like what you read, please subscribe by visiting the Healing Anger Newsletter subscription page.
Back to Top of Page
What's New On The Web Site?
articles and links. Read new contributions from good folks like you, such as this story from a very frustrated woman, called, When Littering Turns Aggressive. If you've ever had a problem with being alone, I think you'll greatly benefit from this video, beautifully and artfully done. Letting go is one of the most important skills you need to overcome your anger problems, and this great video by Marc and Angel provides "6 Strong Signs It's Time To Let Go."
New Mobile Site! Please visit our site, AngerManagementResource.com using your smart phone, and check out the mobile version of the site. I would really appreciate your feedback -- just look for your favorite information, and see if you find it easy to navigate. Then let me know what you think! Thanks in advance.
Check Out Our Facebook Page! It gives you all of the latest updates from Dr. DeFoore and visitors like you. To follow us on Facebook, just go to Anger Management Resource by Dr. William DeFoore and click on "Like" at the top of
the page -- or, follow us on Twitter!
New Web Site! That's right, Dr. DeFoore (that's me) has created another web site that is all about helping you to feel good about yourself and the world around you. Visit goodfinding.com and find lots of positive, upbeat perspectives to help you with your anger and every aspect of your life, and sign up for the Goodfinding Newsletter...and you can read the current Goodfinding newsletter now!.
P.S. Why not make the rest of your life the best of your life? You can get started right now with Elegant Aging: Growing Deeper, Stronger and Wiser.
P.P.S. Did you know that I offer telephone (including Skype and Face Time video phone) counseling around the world? That's right, from the comfort of your home, you can get professional counseling from me, Dr. William DeFoore. Contact us now to schedule a session!
Back to Top of Page