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Why Do I Actually Attack People?

by Candy
(Gauteng, South Africa)

My name is Candy and I am 34 years old. I have recently noticed that I might be out of control with physically attacking people. I remember the first time I did it I was about 11 years old, when a bully was chasing my younger sister and her friend down the super tube. I stood waiting for this chick and when she went down the super tube I ran down after her and started punching her in the tube. She was actually older than me, but I think I scarred the pants off her.

Then I have also hit my ex fiance over the head with my keys when he stole my pet parrot. I also attacked a girl at a night club because she was acting like a real slut, and my boyfriend at the time couldn't take his eyes off her. So, I shoved her against the dj box, and when she grabbed my hair as she was falling I back-handed her.

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Then another time my one boyfriend and my "female Friend" were hugging each other every time I kept coming outside. So I slapped him through the face and threw her against the wall.

My latest was a couple of days ago when my supposed best friend was making moves on my man. We did have drinks and also did smoke some weed--but I was totally fine as in not imagining things. But when I saw her trying to show him things at the end of the garden in the dark, and a while later her hand was on his arm, I just wanted to leave then and there and go home.

When we got home I punched him in the chest twice, and wrote my friend a stinky email telling her what a slut she is, etc.

So over the years I have attacked a few people physically.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Candy, and thanks for telling your story here. You apparently don't want to keep attacking people, which is why you submitted your story here. I will try to help you, in case you're interested in doing some things to get better.

First, I want to say some things about where you are now. You have experienced the adrenaline rush of rage, and you have felt the power of physical aggression and violence. You have seen fear in the eyes of the people you have attacked, and that actually feels good to a part of you. I know this because a lot of us have been there.

Because of this, you may have a kind of anger addiction. Check out this page and see what you think.

If your physical aggression has always been after drinking (and/or smoking pot), you may have other addiction issues. Take a look at this article about the early warning signs of alcoholism and see what you think.

You also have formed a kind of identity around being a tough chick and an angry woman that nobody will mess with. That may not be easy to give up. You will actually have to form a new identity, built around healthy anger. You can do this, and you will like yourself much better--you don't have to be a wimp to be healthy.

Follow the guidelines for healing on these pages, and I think you will start to manage your emotions more effectively.

Believe in yourself, Candy, and make up your mind that you are going to create a fabulous life for yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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