Why Did I Get Married?
I married my husband knowing he had an anger management problem. The good times were better than the bad, right?
He would never hit me, he'd just yell and hit walls. He needs to control his environment, so when I put things out of place, he freaks out and screams. He explains that this is because his previous life as an addict left his life so out of control that he feels the need to control everything in his world.
He will be a seemingly loving, sweet, happy person for a while until he blows up again. I now realize this happiness is not real. He does not know how to be truly happy. So he gets angry to feel a rush of adrenaline, to feel SOMETHING.
He never took therapy for addiction seriously. He says the only reason he had an addiction was because he loved drugs and alcohol. He refuses to believe that the anger and verbal abuse that he grew up with in his house might be the root of the problem.
I realize now I can't help him. After he blows up and makes me feel awful, he swears that he will change and things will get better. They do, but it never lasts. He is addicted to anger. He has refrained from blowing up and yelling for several weeks, but he seems like a shell of a person now.
It's like he can't exist without the anger. He can't be happy or sad or anything without it. I don't know if I should leave him or not. I will always love him, but I don't know if I ever knew the real him. It was just rage, fake happiness, and shallow emotions. Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello, and thank you for telling your story here. Your thinking seems very clear and healthy. I know it must feel bad to you to be thinking at this point that you should not have married your husband.
You are exactly right that you cannot help him. He will either help himself or he won't. It is entirely up to him.
You are thus left with the question of how to help yourself.
Take a look at these quotes on relationships
, and see if you find any valuable insight there.
You might also want to take a look at your own personal history and ask yourself why you may have chosen to marry your husband, in light of past patterns of influence. Take a look at these audio CD programs
and see if they might interest you as well.
The bottom line is you have to take care of yourself. You're not doing your husband any favors by going downhill in your relationship.
I hope this helps.
My very best to you,
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