Why Can't I Have A Husband?

by Jana
(Boston, MA)

Why me? As a young girl it never dawned on me that I would not be able to sustain a marriage as an adult. My damaged emotions seem to directly affect any relationship I enter. But it is not for lack of trying. I have worked so hard.

The latest man was kind and attentive. I responded by being kind and giving. As time went on God only knows what happened.

But anyway this is about anger. Not the same lame words and reflections that don't really change the facts.

I resent people who can share there life with someone and not cycle up and down like a roller coaster.

I hate myself for not understanding this.

I am exhausted, hurt and confused by all this.

It is all his fault, no--it's my fault, nobody's fault...see how absolutely disgusting relationships become?

As someone who craves clear, concise, language when you are with another human in an intimate situation over time the communication turns to utter stupidity.

You become a true idiot.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Jana, and thanks for telling your story here. I totally understand what you mean. You are not alone. Whether people will admit it or not, all relationships change over time, with cycles like you're referring to.

I have an excellent resource for you, that will explain exactly what's going on. This man is brilliant, and I think he has a better understanding of love in romantic relationships than anyone in the field.

Get a copy of "Getting The Love You Want" by Harville Hendrix. It explains how we may think we're marrying for one reason, but it turns out to be something else entirely. I think if you'll read his book, you'll understand everything that has been happening in your relationships, and not only that, but you'll also know what to do about it (the last section of the book is exercises for couples).

I hope this helps.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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