Who Will Listen To Me?

by Wayne

Since probably my conception I have been told who to listen to and who not to listen to. My parents, my siblings, my family, the neighbors, the church, the scientists, the school, the police, the teachers, the radio, the television, the magazines and news papers.... I mean everyone has been telling me the what, where, who, why, and when’s of everything I can think of. Not just what I can think of but also how to think about it and whether or not to feel about it and even then how or what I should feel about it.

It has been on only rare occasion that I was even asked how did I think or feel about something. Of course by the time that I was asked, I had been properly conditioned to respond in the proper way. The proper was determined by who had placed the greatest amount of force upon me about the given subject.

So, today I obviously have problems with the notion of knowing who the hell I am because these thoughts and feelings about the world around and within us are an essential part of who we are. From there it would be easy to see how I would tend to listen to some others that are not interested in my best good. Of course even if someone may have the best of intentions while telling me what is best or right for me, it doesn’t mean that it IS actually the best thing for me.

Who would know what is best for me? How do I perceive the world? What is going on inside of me? These are all very solid questions but hey, so is, “What is my favorite ice-cream?” What would it be like to have the unhealthy, unwise, unfair.... un-me taken out of the thought, feeling, sensing and being process?

I am not saying don’t listen to the different things to listen to around you and within you. I am saying what if I had been brought up to listen to me, my thoughts, my feelings, my intuitions, and my sense of direction? What would I be like and how would I perceive the world inside and out?

To me, all of these ideas, opinions, beliefs, thoughts, feelings, "facts," and perceptions all feel like some sort of film which has built up on the outside of my skin and in my hair after which they all seem to seep into me causing me to act in ways that makes me feel un-me like. It seems as if it seeps into certain locations and then feeds out into the rest of me.

It all becomes a part of me. I am not so sure that it is a permanent addition to me because I have noted that if I take care of myself by allowing myself to feel, eat right, exercise, spend time in nature, not fight my thoughts, spend some time with God in meditation and prayer, and try to focus on listening from who I really am inside I sometimes manage to feel more "me-like."

I find that if I go back into the past when I was conditioned to listen to the wrong sources and feel my real feelings about being so taken over, deceived, lied to, misguided, manipulated, misinformed, abused, controlled and enmeshed with, I can eventually regain another little piece of me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hi Wayne, and thanks for this contribution. I think your story speaks to the heart of a lot of identity and self-image issues people deal with. I think it's a good idea to keep asking the question, "Who am I?" and deciding to answer it yourself.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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