When Do I Stop Being Angry?

by Carol
(Bristow, VA)

It seemed that, though my sister-in-law had lots of problems, both medical and psychological, all were solvable. Even taken together, all were solvable.

But, though it was clear to everyone else she needed help, she not only would not seek it, she would not even accept it when offered.

So, I am still mad at her, a month after she passed away.

Why couldn't I help her?

I miss her, but am still angry that she is gone and angry that I could not help her.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Carol, and thanks for telling your story here. The answer to your question is within you, and I will help you find it.

I suggest that you try the following steps:

1) Write a letter to your sister-in-law, and tell her everything you want to say. Get it all out, and don't hold back.

2) You probably have some grief blocked behind your anger, which is totally understandable under the circumstances you describe. I suggest that you try the anger release methods you will find in my Ebook, Anger Management Techniques, which is yours free if you want to sign up for our free Healing Anger newsletter. Or if you want to purchase it, you'll find it on this page.

3) I also strongly encourage you to do the grieving steps described on this page. Since it's only been a couple of months at this point, don't rush yourself. This can take up to a year or more. Be gentle with yourself.

4) Don't let your anger override the love you feel for her. In doing the above exercises, be sure and write about all of the things you loved about your sister-in-law.

I'm not sure, but these pages also might be helpful to you:

quotes on relationships
letting go of a relationship

I hope you find the relief and resolution you're looking for, Carol. You are worthy of that.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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