We Want To Have Peaceful Sleep When We Share A Bed

by K
(USA)



Me and my boyfriend have been together for 3 years. For two years, we had never had a problem sleeping in the same bed together. Then, when he moved in with me, for what seemed to be no explanation, he would hit my head with his elbow as he was adjusting in bed while we were both asleep.

At the time I was dealing with a head injury and this made my symptoms worse. This last time, when we got lazy with the pillows in between us, (see below), it took three times where he hit me at night for me to recognize the symptoms.

Both of us are insightful, go to support groups, and he tries to help me figure it out but it feels like this is largely my problem. For instance, when I ask him to help me financially with medical help directly related to the problem, he does not help. Or, if I bring it up, initially he says it is a sign we should break up and then, after we talk, he thinks we can work it out. And I do too.

We have tried him sleeping under me, and having a pillow in between us while we are in bed. We both do not like the latter as we both want to be close. He does not like the former as his feet hang off the bed. We do not have money to get a larger bed. And he has since moved out for work reasons and also that the apartment we were in was way too small for us.

I wonder how we can figure this out. I want to sleep close to him at night and not worry that I am going to be hit in the head.

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Jul 04, 2017
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Some Ideas For You
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello K - I'm sure you two can figure this out. One thought is that your boyfriend can learn to be more mindful, even while he's sleeping. The problem with that is that you still have to be worried that he might accidentally hit you again.

With a head injury, you don't want to take that chance. With this in mind, and considering that he's unwilling to help you with medical costs, you might also want to take a look at his overall sensitivity to your needs and vulnerability.

I wish you both the best as you get this resolved.

Dr. DeFoore

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