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Trapped And Living With My Abusive Mother

by Allmara
(Portland,OR)



In 2012 my grandmother extended to me the offer to move into the spare bedroom to escape the verbally abusive home I was in. My mother has been living in the house as well. From the moment I moved in my mother has been verbally and emotionally abusive toward me.

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She is an alcoholic and when she has been drinking the abuse gets even worse. She also smokes pot and recently was wanting me to pee in several glass jars so she could use it to pass drug screenings for job interviews.

When I told her I was uncomfortable with that and would not do it, she started to be abusive toward me again and tried to emotionally blackmail me. She kept bringing up how she had been buying toilet paper, feminine hygiene items, etc that are not covered by food stamps. She also talked about how she had been taking care of me over the past year due to my major reconstructive spine surgery to correct scoliosis.

I just got approved to work with Vocational Rehab to hopefully return to the workforce at a job that is compatible with my new physical limitations. However, I am now being pressured to find and take any job to get out of the house by my Grandmother without regard to my physical well being. As well as my mother putting me down cause I am trying to work with Vocational Rehab.

I have no money left, and no place I can go to escape. My mom knows this. I have to keep myself locked up in my bedroom only leaving to use the bathroom or use the microwave to heat up something to eat. I been avoiding cooking in the kitchen so I minimize my odds of having to deal with her, since I feel like I am walking on eggshells around her and I never know if she is going to start in on me.

I feel trapped with no way out and no resources that I can tap into escape. All resources for abuse victims are for victims of "partner" abuse only. And as such I do not qualify for the shelters. Nor do I qualify for state funded cash support or abuse victim help because I do not have a child as my 15 yr old son lives with his father, for which I feel grateful since it means he does not have to be around this.

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May 01, 2015
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You Already Have The Solution
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Allmara

Stick with your current plan, and get out on your own as soon as you can. Work with rehab and get the first job that comes along, and move out when you can afford to.

Meanwhile, avoiding contact with your mother is good. You are stronger than you think, and you are on the right track.

If I knew of other resources for you, like some kind of shelter, I would gladly recommend it. Unfortunately, as you have discovered, those are not designed for people in your situation.

Believe in yourself, Allmara. Be your own champion and your own best friend. You can do whatever you set your mind and heart to.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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