Tough Love
Can Only Happen With Healthy Anger

The real trick with tough love is to use the right amount of both toughness and love. That's where healthy anger comes in.

When anger is healthy, it is not separate from love. What makes anger unhealthy is when it gets disconnected from your good heart and your wisdom.

And tough love definitely needs your good heart and wisdom!

Why does love have to be tough? Good question. It has to be tough because if it's too soft, it can get walked on, manipulated and abused. When your anger and love are healthy, everybody benefits!

So, What Exactly Is Tough Love?

Love is tough and healthy when you're standing your ground, taking care of yourself, and still showing love.

If you're too tough, then you're not feeling the love, and if you're not tough enough you'll get walked on...and guess what? You won't be feeling the love! Here are some other thoughts on tough love:

Healthy Anger

Love is the most important part. If the love is clear, not much toughness is needed.

If the love is not clear and present, no amount of toughness will be enough.

Love that is tough is honest, authentic and sincere.

When love is tough, you will be respected.

Okay, that's great--but how do I do it? Good question, tough answer (there's that word again...).

Basically, you have to have healthy anger to show tough love. So, let's take a look at how this happens.

How Do I Make My Love Tough But Not Harmful?

Okay, here's where the good stuff starts. Here are the steps I recommend for developing tough love:

First, get your anger healthy by reading this page and doing this journaling process. You might also want to get a copy of this book or this CD program.

Then learn these communication tools and this relationship advice.

Most of the time it's parents that need their love to be tough. If you're a parent, learn these parenting skills and check out this information on parenting teenagers.

Speaking of love, make sure you love yourself and have good self esteem.

Make up your mind to become your own best anger management resource.

If you're a parent of a teenager and that's why you're here, you definitely want to check out these two CD programs:

ANGER IN TEENS:
Understanding and Helping Adolescents with Anger Management
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Finally, a way to understand what's really going on with your teens! The teenage years don't have to be "terrible." Find out what your kids really need, and how you can meet those needs and bring peace and love to your home once again.

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Hear: Preview 2

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ADOLESCENT RITES OF PASSAGE:
Honoring the Transitions from Childhood to Adulthood
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Moving from childhood to adulthood is not quick or easy. That's what adolescence is all about. Rites of passage help with this transition, bringing honor, meaning and celebration to a process that is usually scary, frustrating and confusing. Learn how to help the teens in your life become responsible adults.