The Man I'm With Doesn't Believe In Marriage
OK! This story starts about 11 yrs. ago. This guy asks me out on a date (we were at a dance). So, I said yes. We dated and fell in love and I found out he had been living with a woman for about 25 yrs. and had an adult daughter with her.
So, I told him to choose her or me. He couldn't choose. So, I said that was his choice that he chose her. Then 7 yrs. later he comes back to my door and says that his girlfriend had passed away. We start dating again and move in together.
For 4 yrs. now we have lived together and cannot have anything together because we are not married. He refuses to get married and doesn't believe in marriage. But, I do.
I've given an ultimatum to marry me or I'm gone and that did not work! I know he loves me but I want to have a future and have something. He has a farm and it's paid for and I don't have anything.
So, I want us to get married and have a place that is OURS not just HIS!Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sandra, and thanks for telling your story here. Your feelings are completely understandable. It makes sense that you want to be married and have ownership of property.
The only way for you to move forward in a successful way is to focus on what you want, and make up your mind that you're going to have it. What will not work is to make your happiness dependent on him changing. That never works.
What you want is good, and makes sense. He may want something different. This puts you in a tough spot, but your task remains to keep your focus on what you want, without getting mad at him because he wants something else. He has the right to be different.
If you really want to be married, you may have to find someone who also wants that. You are free to choose.
Read the following page on relationship, and I think you'll find some value there: letting go of a relationship
Believe in yourself, Sandra, and create the life you want.
My very best to you,
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