The Girl I Had A Hard Time Forgiving

by Brian
(Michigan)

There is a girl I liked when I was in high school who did not like me. She called me names such as ugly and creepy and probably tons of other things that I don't know about.

Sadly we did not get along and it got ugly at times. I always tried to be nice back but her stubbornness was hard to crack and still hasn't to my knowledge. After that I created a blog that was suppose to help me and make me feel better. She ended up finding out about it and I made it right and apologized.

Sadly she never did. When I did have the blog it started out making me happy that I had so many people giving great advice. As time went by it made me more and more mad about what happened. It kept it in my mind and consumed my time and thoughts. My unhappiness was very apparent and took its toll. I finally took it down. It took some coaxing at the time from my parents and a some good friends of mine. At the time I was not thrilled that I had to take it down because I wanted everyone to know who did it to me and how. Now I am glad that I did because since than it has made me a happier person in general.

While I was still keeping it up, it not only kept it in my mind but just caused more problems. I thought that keeping it secret and never talking about it would never hurt me. But I learned that sometimes the truth hurts, and it's so much easier if we can keep it hidden. As a matter of fact, sometimes the secrets we harbor are so painful that we don't want to face them ourselves.


We assume that these secrets will go away if we don't think or talk about them with anyone. But the opposite is true. Shameful secrets fester like a splinter in the finger, and it is much better to name the secret and to let someone help us remove it from our lives so the would will heal.

Forgiveness is a big word. Anyone who has experienced the pain inflicted by the brutal acts of another knows that to forgive is so very much easier said than done. As we go on living our lives, the list of “forgivable” continually increases. No wonder that Jesus said we need to forgive hundreds of times!

Time and again we are told that forgiveness is alchemy for the soul and lifts the humongous weight of anger off our chests. It releases us from the need to seek revenge. Those who have chosen to tread the path of forgiveness tell us that it is the best medicine for self-healing.
Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you’re the one who gets burned.

There are still days that I wake up and want to give them what is coming to them and what they deserve and a dose of there own medicine. My conscience and the fact that I don't know where they are is what stops me from saying some of the things I say to myself about them. With time I hope they come around and we can hopefully become friends.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Nicely done, Brian. I like your ideas, and the serious thought you put into your contribution.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore