The Day I Swore At My Pastor

by Ashley
(NY, USA)

I got mad and swore at my pastor and now I regret it because he kicked me out of youth group. I am 16 and feel it is not normal for me to be this angry. I have a crush on this pastor and he is married. How do I stop swearing at my pastor, when I get a high from it?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Ashley, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm glad you're concerned about your anger. The kind of crush and anger combination you have going with your pastor can be very destructive, if you don't break the cycle.

I suggest you get with a third person that you trust, and sit down with this pastor and tell him about your crush, and your anger. Tell him that you are disclosing this to him in order to break the cycle. Only do this, however, if you think the pastor is healthy psychologically and emotionally.

Another thing you can do is journal about your feelings for him. Your attraction, and your anger. And then separately, journal about the truth and reality of his marriage and the appropriate relationship you need to have with your pastor.

Journal also about any past trauma you may have experienced, as described on this page. Do the anger journaling regularly, and this should help it to subside.

Use this two part imagery process to picture and imagine yourself behaving with him in the way you choose, controlling your emotion and remaining respectful of him.

These tools work, Ashley, but only if you use them.

Get a crush on yourself, and let this man be. Focus on your own health and well being, and your school and personal growth.

Create a vision of the kind of person you choose to be, and focus on that. Believe it and feel it.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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