Teenage Anger Management
For Teens Who Want To Have Healthy Anger

Here's the deal...

• Anger is either your worst enemy or your best friend. You get to choose!
• Anger comes from pain, sorrow, fear and the need for love. Anger seems powerful, but it's not--unless it's healthy!
• Healthy anger comes from love, truth and a strong sense of justice.
• Healthy anger is motivation, determination, enthusiasm and committment to do the right thing!
• Healthy anger is smart, cool and effective!
• With healthy anger, nobody gets hurt!
• Healthy anger fuels effective action!

Want to know more about unhealthy and healthy anger? Great teenage anger management requires that you know the difference. Okay, so now let's look at the thoughts, actions and feelings that go along with both, to give you the best teenage anger management information on the planet!

Here are the thoughts, actions and emotions of unhealthy anger:

• Thoughts
• "It's not my fault!" Unhealthy anger means thinking you're a victim to all "those other people.
• "They are bad/evil." This may be the worst of unhealthy anger. This is where you're trying to make the other person really, really bad, so that you don't have to look at yourself. We've all done this, but it's not cool. This kind of thinking will only get you in trouble. With good teenage anger management skills, you will be a lot smarter than this.
• "I'm good because I'm not them." This is what I call a cheap, second-hand form of self-esteem. It's great to feel good about yourself, but you don't want to do it by dissing somebody else. You're good just because of who you are. This is positive teenage anger management for teens who want to be smart, strong and healthy!
• Actions
• Aggression, attack, violence. A lot of people think this is what anger is--violence and aggression. But you know better. Anger is an emotion, and aggression, attack, violence are actions. Anger is not the problem--it's what you do with it that makes it healthy or unhealthy! What you're learning here is anger management for teens who want to be leaders that prevent aggression and school violence.
• Passive-aggressive behavior. This is where you've got some anger inside, but you're not admitting it to anyone, even yourself. It's sometimes called "sideways anger," and it's just not honest. For example, making a cutting joke at someone else's expense and saying, "Aw, I was just kidding. Don't take it personally." or, "You're too sensitive. I didn't mean anything by it." Healthy teenage anger management means that you're responsible for what you do, regardless of what you might have intended.
• Depression and illness. This is what happens if you are really good at stuffing your anger, and never let it out. Anger is a powerful emotion. When it comes out in unhealthy ways, it hurts others. When it just stays inside you, it hurts you. If this is a concern, learn more about preventing teen suicide. When it comes out in healthy ways it is good for everybody. When it is successful, this is the kind of anger management for teens who want to be who they were born to be and live their dreams!
• Emotions
• Victim feeling. A lot of kids don't get this--but when you're all bent out of shape and yelling and going off about something, you might seem tough or scary--but you're secretly feeling like a victim. Why? You're mad at somebody for what they said, did or who they are, and you're not taking any responsibility for your own part of the situation. With good teenage anger management skills, you will never be a victim again! Expressing anger in healthy ways will make you strong.
• Nursing wounds. This is a kind of self-pity. If you're real angry (in an unhealthy way), then you're busy pointing to your wounds--how you were done wrong by the person you're mad at. This actually can keep you from healing! If you need your pain and suffering to show how bad the other person is, you can't let your own wounds heal. This can often lead to school violence scenarios. Violent kids are frequently feeling like victims, nursing their wounds and blaming others for them. Healthy anger management for teens means everybody heals.

• Helplessness/powerlessness. Here's the big secret. Extreme unhealthy anger--especially when it means hurting others on purpose--comes from a feeling of helplessness and powerlessness. Unhealthy anger might seem strong, but it's totally a sign of weakness.

Here are the thoughts, actions and emotions of healthy anger:

• Thoughts
• "They are responsible for their actions." That's right. If someone did something that triggered your anger, they are totally responsible for what they did. But they are not responsible for how you felt about what they did! That's your deal. This is positive, smart, healthy anger management for teens.
• "I'm responsible for my reactions." No matter what somebody does, they don't "make you mad." You either get angry or you don't, and that is your responsibility completely. What's cool about this is that responsibility gives you freedom! If you think somebody "made you mad," then you're saying they made your heart race and set your blood boiling and made you think all those thoughts racing through your head. Nope, that's you doing that. Other people might push your buttons, but you're in charge of the wiring behind those buttons! This is the kind of teenage anger management for teens who want to be the boss of their own emotions.
• "How can I get stronger, smarter and safer from this?" Here's the freedom that comes with taking responsibility! You take a look at the situation, and say to yourself, "How can I make this work for me?" Then you look for ways to make that happen.
• Actions


• Find healthy emotional release. This is sooooooooooo important! When you're feeling angry, you don't want to just hold that inside--it becomes toxic and it'll make you sick or crazy! Getting outside, working out, talking to a friend or writing in a journal will help. You want to get that anger out into some fresh air, and get some fresh perspective on it, so it doesn't go sour and make you bitter!
• Use a spiritual practice for focus and healing. If it works for you and your beliefs, prayer can really help for getting clear and chilling when you're angry. If you're a member of a church, it might give you some comfort and release to just go and hang out there or talk to one of your church leaders. You're the one who knows if this will work for you as part of your teenage anger management skills.
• Taking powerful effective action to make things better. This is the best choice of all. Brainstorm with a smart friend, parent or counselor about some healthy action you can take to improve the situation that triggered your anger. You may even find that you want to become a teacher of anger management for teens!
• Emotions
• Power/strength This is what is so amazing about healthy anger management for teens. It actually feels good! When you know you're not going to do anything destructive, it helps you focus your emotional energy toward what you want to accomplish and it can bring on feelings of enthusiasm and even excitement! Think of the physical strength and energy of anger, and imagine having tons of that to channel in positive, constructive ways!
• Release/relief Ahhhh.....It feels so good to release anger in healthy ways! Nobody gets hurt, and you feel powerful, strong and relaxed. Remember, anger is a healthy emotion--you just need to direct it toward positive, constructive or at least non-destructive action for successful teenage anger management. When you're getting your anger out in healthy ways, you can really let go, which is what gives you the sense of release and relief. If you're taking your anger out on yourself or another person, you have to hold back to keep from hurting them too bad, so you don't get the release and relief you want.
• Forgiveness/acceptance This is the final stage of the teenage anger management for teens process--don't try to rush it! Forgiveness is something that comes from your body, not your mind, when you learn to love yourself. You can decide you want to forgive, but your heart and gut may not be ready. Your body never lies, and it is your body--that is, your heart and gut--that really do the forgiving. Read this article on forgiveness to learn more.

Return to bad relationships or adolescent anger management.

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