Sexual Abuse

by Anonymous

My husband has a sick sexual side. He enjoys causing me pain, and asks me all the time to "play the victim."

This has been going on for years. In Feb of this year he raped me. It started out as consensual sex, but then out of nowhere he pulls out and starts to have anal sex with me. I am crying and screaming and trying to push him off but that only excited him more.

I tried to look at it as something that could be forgiven and tried to just forget it and move on. But in reality I am so angry at him! I cannot find it in my heart to forgive him.

I want to leave but I am in a way scared...but I truly can not explain why I am scared. He has asked for my forgiveness, and now it's July and I still cannot move on.

I am not sure what to feel or what to do anymore. I hate and love him at the same time. How can we get past this? How can I get past this?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. You are angry and scared because you've been raped. The fact that your husband is the perpetrator makes it worse, not better. You can't forgive or forget because you're too healthy to do that. I would be very concerned about your mental health if you were able to forgive or forget this horrible abuse.

I suggest that you contact your nearest battered woman's shelter for support and counseling, or get into some kind of counseling as soon as you possibly can. Your husband needs intensive, long term psychotherapy before you will actually be safe with him--meaning he will continue to abuse you in one way or another until he gets very deep, long-term help. And you did not say anything about him getting help.