My boyfriend and I had fallen in love right from the first day we met. He was my first true relationship. We moved in together 3 months after we met. Unfortunately due to economic difficulties, I couldn't find the job, and kept being more and more depressed about it. Finally there wasn't a day where I could stop crying and arguing.
After a while I managed to find work. It was 250 miles away from my boyfriend. This has lasted 1.5 years. During that time my lovely boyfriend decided to break up with me as it was too difficult to be together in such long distance. In no time we somehow got back together. This roller-coaster of events, me being alone in a strange place made me begin taking anti-depressants, which thankfully calmed me down so much, that for that period there were no more arguments.
Four months ago I have moved back in with him and decided that we were good together. I have stopped taking the pills. As a result, all the arguments started all over again. Him choosing to spend time with his friends rather than me, me putting on too much weight, not hearing "I love you" any more, him not wanting to get married. These were the subjects of our arguments, now I start thinking, is there a point in all this?
I know he loves me and I know he is dedicated so why am I looking for excuses to argue with him? It seems like I'm waiting to collect all the things I don't like about him and when the time comes, I blow at him with all the anger and rage. Is my only option to take antidepressants for the rest of my life, or does he need to learn how to deal with arguments. I am so sad.
I don't know what to do any more.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Sylvia, and thanks for telling your story here. I assure you that if the only way for you to be okay in a relationship is to take antidepressants, then that is not a healthy relationship to be in.
It is apparent that you don't feel that your boyfriend shows his love with his actions and words, but then you say that you know he loves you and is dedicated. So you may be unsure of where you stand with him, and then you get caught up in the anger and rage. I will try to help.
First, work on your anger, using the tools described on this FAQ page.
It will also be helpful for you to learn to love yourself by raising your self esteem.
Believe in yourself, and love yourself. That is where all healing begins.
My very best to you,
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