Response To Kim

by Dr. DeFoore
(Texas)

Hello Kim, and thanks for telling your story here.

(please see Kim's story here: What Do You Think Is Wrong With Me?)

I can tell you are a bright and good person, and that you really want to deal with your very serious anger problem.

With the physical aggression and sense of relief you feel from that, you're experiencing some of the components of anger/rage addiction. I suggest you read the two web pages I have on that topic--they are anger addiction and dealing with anger and rage addiction. Take only what seems relevant and useful to you from those pages.

I also suggest you use this process to get to know your anger, bring it into conscious awareness, and take charge of it:

1) Come up with a mental picture of your anger. Keep searching for an image until you have a clear picture in your mind. Amplify it, making it larger than life, even if it is cartoon-like. It needs to fully embody your anger, so that it completely illustrates exactly how you feel when you're filled with rage. Keep going until you know for sure that it is accurate and really "captures" your emotion.

2) While picturing it in your mind, say this to it: "I can see that you are a part of me. I created you a long time ago, for my protection. If I let you run my life, you will destroy it. I'm not going to try to kill you or make you go away. You have a place here, but you're not going to be in charge any more. I'm taking over, which will keep both of us safe. I know you're strong, but your strength belongs to me, and I choose to use it for good things."

3) Notice how the image responds or changes in your mind while you say these things. Keep working with it in this way until you begin to see a healthy anger image start to emerge. Ultimately, you want to transform it into a loyal ally--that's what happens when your anger is healthy.

4) Every time you start to get angry, picture this image of your anger--keep at it until you can see it clearly. This is called "See It Don't Be It," and it will help you to manage your anger.

5) Next, do the anger journaling exercises on this page, to give your anger someplace to go on a regular daily basis.

6) You probably have some unresolved and/or unaddressed emotional trauma from your past, based on what you've told me about your anger episides and violence. I strongly encourage you to do the "Trauma Writing" on this page, to revisit your past pain and trauma that is underlying and most likely causing your current problems.

7) Then, use these imagery processes for emotional healing, which will give you a chance to "go back" to your past experiences in your mind and bring healing and resolution.

These are tools, Kim. Like any tools, they are useless if you don't use them. And, like any tools, the more you use them the better you will get at it, and the more you will benefit.

I've been counseling with people for 38 years, and I can assure you that if you use these tools you will start to have more control over your anger, and you will become more of the person you know you are and choose to be.

Believe in the goodness in your heart, Kim. Focus there, and use the positive journaling described on this page to help you shift your focus to what is good, right and working about your and your life.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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