Recently Seperated Due To My Temper, Horrible Name Calling And Physical Contact

by Scott
(Maryland, USA)

I have always had issues dealing with my temper. 20 years ago I lost a marriage over it and I recently remarried that same person. I lost contact with a child due to this, and now that she is 19 I did the same thing.

My anger escalates to name-calling and profanity and eventually physical contact. I now am separated again due to this issue and want to do anything that I can to correct my shortcomings.

I am a sober and happy recovering alcoholic with two girls from a second marriage also, and I want
to put a stop to this.

I have possibly lost my soulmate and want to do anything that I can to have a chance to make that marriage whole and healthy again and gain her and my daughter's trust.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Scott, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you want to improve your life and improve your relationships.

One thing I want you to think about is that you will only be successful in dealing with your anger if you're doing it for yourself. Dealing with your anger in order to "get the other person back" simply will not work. If you follow my recommendations, you will have some serious soul-searching to do, and you are going to have to be motivated to do it for yourself.


I suggest you do the three journaling processes described on this page. When you have identified any past trauma that may be underlying your anger, use these imagery processes to heal emotionally from that trauma.

Also use this two part imagery process for mental rehearsal and managing your behavior in future interactions with your family and others where your "buttons" might get pushed.

Practice these anger management techniques daily, emphasizing the ones that work best for you.

Check out these quotes on relationships and this page on dealing with marital problems.

If you want to go even further and have a certificate to show evidence of your work, I suggest you sign up for Anger Class Online. They have 8, 12, 16 and 26 hour classes to choose from.

Make up your mind to do this for yourself, Scott. And don't give up. You can reach all of your goals, if you set your mind and heart to it.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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