Perceived Rude And Ignorant Behavior Makes Me Very Angry

by Roy
(Evergreen Park IL US)

I get very angry when I observe or am the victim of rude or ignorant behavior. The following are examples of what might start my anger:

a. Neighbors letting their dog leave a toilet mess in the yard, they don't clean it up, thus attracting flies not allowing me to use my backyard due to fly infestation.
b. Not being able to leave my windows open in the good weather months due to people having loud cell phone conversations or any conversations at 2 a.m. 20 feet outside my house from my bedroom.
c. People who ignore posted signs like handicapped only, do not enter, people who believe rules don't apply to them and that rules are for other people.
d. People who have no respect for other people's property.
e. People who force others to breathe their cigarette smoke, listen to their loud music, loud cell phone conversations, as if no one else exists but them.
f. People who don't use turn signals. People who take two parking spaces.




Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Roy, and thanks for writing your story here. Everything you have listed here makes sense. You have every right and reason to feel angry about these things--what matters is how you deal with your anger.

If you just keep it inside and do nothing, it will cause problems in you like bitterness, resentment and depression. If you express is in unhealthy ways, it will create more problems around you, and resolve nothing.

So, let's look at some healthy ways for you to deal with your anger.

First consider these things:

1) These people are already causing you problems--you don't want to give them the power to get in your head and gut and live there in the form of bitterness and resentment.

2) Try this journaling process, if you want to give your anger somewhere to go instead of leaving it inside or letting it out in destructive ways.

3) If you're still on board and willing to keep going, try these more positive exercises to shift your focus from what you don't like to what you like.

If the problems you list are the worst of your problems, chances are you have a pretty good life otherwise. Focus on those things that are right, good and working in your life, and that might help you feel better.

Hope this helps.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore