Over Aggressive Blonde

by Apes
(AR)

Dr, Here is my story. I am 39 years old and counting--I'll be 40 in a month. I'm an out of work mother and wife, who moved to a new state for a better, calmer life.

I have always had self esteem issues, but now that I older I am fatter and in worse shape, due to a work injury, that stopped me from working out. I really hate myself, my new life, my husband (who in reality is great), and my family, I really don't like anything except my bulldog. I have 2 teenage boys, both with special needs. As a result, I get little time for myself.

I have a real problem with my oldest who is 16, and feel that he has no respect for me unless I yell to try and get my point across to him. Then if I talk to him after the first 3 minutes he tunes me out.

I knew that I was angry, but did not know how much until I took the anger test and answered 20 yes's!. I feel that the anger is the only thing that is motivating me!

What should I do? I am sick of this, and I'm reading everything I can to get some help. Thank you for having a place to vent.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello April, and thanks for telling your story here. I can tell you're having a very hard time, and I will try to help.

It is great that you're reading everything you can find. If you haven't already done so, I recommend you spend some time on this site--it was designed to help good-hearted people just like you, who are struggling with anger.

I suggest you start by doing the writing exercise on this page. That will help you review your history and take a look at ways you've been hurt in the past. The feelings you're having in your current life have roots in your past, and if you don't deal with those roots, you'll keep having problems in your present life.


Next, do these imagery processes for emotional healing, to bring resolution to those memories you've written about.

Also, start the daily anger journaling exercise on this page. This will help you "get the anger out" on a regular basis, so that it does not dominate your thoughts and actions so much.

Also, practice these anger management techniques until you have mastered them.

To help with your thinking process, take a look at this excellent program designed to help you better control your thought processes.

And finally, use the positive journaling process on this page to begin to shift your focus from what is wrong to what is right about you and the others around you. Don't start this one, by the way, until you've done the trauma writing and anger journaling, or it just won't work.

For help with your son, take a look at these pages:

Adolescent anger management

Parenting teenagers

Read this material, and do all of these exercises, April, and you will get results. These are all tools, and the more you use them the better they will work for you. And like all tools, if you don't use them they are useless to you.

Believe in yourself, and never, ever give up on you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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