Not Only Is He Married, He Was Having Another Affair

by Debbie
(UK)

First of all, the big "no-no." I fell for my boss--even agreeing to leave my job so we could continue the relationship and let it develop further. I had suspicions about him being married although he of course denied it. I did not trust my instincts because I wanted to believe in him. Then I found out he was married. The same week I found this out a lady at the same company let me know that he was having a relationship with another woman that had been going on for 5 years if not longer.

I ended the relationship, obviously but feel so let down and disappointed in myself that I did not act upon my instincts. I felt something was not right, and believe me I am not dumb--although I feel it. And yes, feelings developed and I feel hurt that he felt it was okay to use me the way he did. Leaving my job would be the easy option, but finding a new job is not so easy right now.

So meanwhile, he is still my boss who I work closely with. He shows no regret, remorse or concern for my feelings. I guess he set out and got what he was after.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Thanks for writing your story here, Debbie. You make some very good points about how important it is to trust your instincts. The more you trust them, the better they work for you. Your instincts are actually your life experience and inner wisdom trying to guide you to the best possible path. You apparently see this clearly now.

The most important thing is for you to take care of yourself and get into a situation where you feel good. If you can do that in your present position, great. If not, then take one step at a time toward finding a better position. Meanwhile, recognize that you were not a victim, and that you were just as responsible for the relationship with your boss as he was. I know you're angry, and you have every right to be. Just focus your anger into positive action, and create a good, happy life for yourself.

My best to you for a future that is beyond your expectations.

Dr. DeFoore

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Not Only Is He Married, He Was Having Another Affair

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May 07, 2009
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Hi Debbie
by: Abby

I was abused as a kid. I don't know if this affected the way I think about these things or I'm just a slow learner but it has taken me decades to learn to look after myself.

When you have been abused your capacity to stay in uncomfortable situations is much greater than other people. Plus you simply don't know that you are special and can demand the best. I wish I could have learned this earlier. Demand more, not less, from those you are involved with and it will protect you.

Sadly what many men are prepared to do to get sex is appalling. The woman is just something to lie on while they're getting what they want as the old joke goes. They will lie, cheat, abuse, manipulate, cast blame on you to mention but a few moves I've seen.

Forgive yourself Debbie and don't accept anything less than the best.

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