My Anger Toward My Boyfriend And His Daughter Is Ruining My Life

by Shannon
(UpState New York, USA )

I get frustrated with my boyfriend and his soon to be 5 year old daughter, because she likes to manipulate him and irritate my children at times.

When I try to explain this to him he says I'm picking on her and it's made me so angry with him that I yell and say mean things and want to throw things. Also it bothers me when he doesn't follow through with certain rules.

How can I stop getting so angry about things?

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Shannon, and thanks for telling your story here. It is good that you want to manage your anger better. You will find that neither your boyfriend nor anyone is going to be open to criticism about their child. That is human nature, and part of the parental protective instinct.

You need to let go of trying to control him and how he parents his daughter, and do not blame her for her behavior. As a 4-5 year old, she most certainly is not being manipulative--that is highly complex, and only adults can get into that. She's just a child, trying to get her needs met in a less-than-perfect world.

To better manage your anger, I suggest you follow all of the guidelines on this FAQ page. You will find a step by step process to follow, and it will be very beneficial to you if you use it.

Do this for yourself, Shannon. You need to feel good about yourself, your emotions, and your actions. These tools will help you, if you use them.

Believe in yourself and the good person you are inside.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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