My Anger Is So Unreasonable My 4 Year Old Daughter Is Afraid Of Me

by Rena
(Oklahoma)

I'm 43 years old. I have always had a problem with anger and even now I've elevated to rage. I feel like I must be mentally ill.

I see a counselor once a month, I suffer from chronic pain resulting from surgery for a broken back, 2 cases of cancer, then having a baby. All of this within a 5 year period.

My counselor urges me to count when I feel like I'm becoming angry, put myself in time out and practice deep breathing, try meditation. I do count and also have used time outs and deep breathing. I have no success with meditation, my mind won't shut up long enough to be successful with this method.

I have to see a Psychiatrist or a Doctor who prescribes me medication for depression and anxiety. He has mentioned that it sounds like I'm bipolar, but the definition is thrown around too much just to use as a diagnosis on the paperwork. I must see him one time every 4-5 weeks in order for me to receive the free counseling and to receive that service I also must be taking medication to treat the symptoms.

I'm so tired of drugs and no apparent change in my behavior. Also, I take several drugs a month and I really don't like taking Xanax or Valium along with the Methadone (for pain) as I MUST be alert for my daughter's safety as well as my own.

My anger, rage comes suddenly, I SNAP at something as minor as running late and my daughter not hurrying fast enough. I am ALWAYS running by the seat of my pants to make it to an appointment or to get my daughter to pre-k. I am always just barely on time or a few minutes late. Not acceptable and I am annoyed by people who are late when I'm ready.

I have such a long long story...

Response from Dr. DeFoore


Hello Rena, and thanks for telling your story here. I can't be totally sure, but I think I might have some techniques that will be truly helpful to you, if you use them.

I suggest you do the journaling described on this page, to review your past trauma, contain your anger, and begin retraining your mind to focus on the good in you and your world. There are three processes described there, followed by a slide show, which you will find here. The slides explain the positive "Goodfinding" journaling process, and this will be very helpful to you if you use it.

You will also benefit from using these imagery processes for emotional healing. This will help you to resolve some of your past emotional trauma.

You are also a candidate for an Anger Class Online. I highly recommend that you check these out and see if they feel right to you. You can choose from 8 hour to 26 hour classes, all done online.

If you don't do anything else, be sure and do the journaling processes. Do it consistently for at least 21 days, and I think you will get some good results.

Believe in yourself, Rena. Taking good care of yourself needs to be your top priority, which will be good for your daughter.

You can do this. You're a good person, and that's why you want to change. Connect with the goodness in your heart every day, and try to stay focused there.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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