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My 35 Year Old Physical Trainer Son Physically Abuses Me

by Frank
(New York )

My 35 year old son is a physical trainer, weighs about 230 lbs, and is 6'2" tall. He recently grabbed hold of me with all his strength and aggressively shook me left to right while verbally screaming at me in my face. At times he has punched the cabinet next to me telling me it's my fault that he's angry.

I am 62 years old and myself and my wife are happily married for 42 years. Our son has been off and on drugs and alcohol for the past 15 years, most recently about 3 months ago. He has a beautiful 2 1/2 year old daughter who splits living with us half the time and the mother half the time.

My son is also taking Suboxone. He has also tried steroids. His drugs of choice have been heroin, cocaine, opiates and alcohol. My wife and I are afraid of him now, since he displayed this physical abuse towards us.

This is the third time he has made threats of physical harm in the past few months. He has punched holes in our walls, but this is the first time he actually made very aggressive physical contact with me.

We would like to know how to handle this and what steps to take because we are both afraid he might act out again. We did call the police but by the time they arrived 3 hours later we decided we didn't want him to be arrested.

Also note he has lived with us his entire life. He had his daughter out of wedlock and has tried living with his girlfriend on two separate occasions to no avail. He has lived with us throughout his life with the exception of those two times with girlfriend, which was only about a month in total.

Also all this abuse took place in the presence of our granddaughter who we love so very much.

Please help us save our son and protect ourselves.

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Apr 25, 2017
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To Janie "In The Same Boat"
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hi Janie - I'm sorry this happened with your daughter. There is absolutely no excuse for her physical aggression toward you. I encourage you to take any necessary precautions to protect yourself when you're around her.

One thing to consider is how you communicate with her. Your comments and questions might feel like you are doubting or criticizing her. This is not uncommon. Try to stay positive and supportive, or if you disapprove, it will be good to withhold your comments.

I hope this helps.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

Apr 25, 2017
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In The Same Boat
by: Janie

My daughter (40) a few weeks ago got angry with me over some light comments about her and some questions I asked.

She screamed at me, so I headed for the door where she shook my arm. I stopped her and ran down the stairs to get away.

I am a 64 year old woman. She says she's sorry but justified her explosion!

I feel angry, hurt and worried.

Sep 06, 2016
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You Can Protect Yourselves, But...
by: Dr. DeFoore

Hello Frank

You may not realize it, but you and your wife are part of the problem. By allowing your son to live with you for all of these years, you have unintentionally supported his drug abuse and physically abusive behavior.

You said you called the police, but didn't want him to be arrested. You're giving him a false sense of reality by allowing him to do drugs and treat you like this and get away with it.

Your son will either save himself, or he won't. You cannot save him. The best you can do is to protect yourself and your wife by getting him out of your home as quickly as possible, and definitely call the police regarding his drug use and violent behavior.

I know this is hard, Frank. But I assure you that this type of situation does not usually get better until the adult son moves out, and again, his future is in his hands, not yours.

My best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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