My 3 Year Old Has Severe Anger Issues

by Anonymous

We have gone to a psyc. and got a diagnosis but I feel it is not the right one. She is currently taking medication, and it makes her a walking zombi.

We also have 3 other children that she will bite, kick and yell at. I am at my wit's end and need help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello, and thanks for telling your story here. I know that dealing with a child with problems like your daughter is having can be very trying. I will try to help.

Your daughter's behavior is sending a message, and you need to receive that message in order to give her what she needs.

Here is what I recommend:

1) Use these positive journaling exercises to shift your focus to what is good about her. Every morning get up and write down what you love and appreciate about her. You absolutely must see her as good, precious and valuable in order to give her what she needs and help her.

2) Use this two part imagery process for positive mental rehearsal, in which you will daily picture yourself responding to her in a loving, appropriate way on a consistent basis. Also use this process to visualize her responding well. This is a way of shifting your expectations--because children respond strongly to parents' expectations, and right now yours are very negative--understandably.

3) Be sure you read and follow all of the recommendations on this page about children's anger, and this one on nonverbal communication.

The best gift you can give your daughter is a healthy mom. Use the journaling exercises on this page to deal with your own emotional issues from the past.

And believe in yourself. Believe in your daughter. Make up your mind that you are going to connect with the goodness of her heart and yours.

And finally, I want you to consider this...there is nothing wrong with your daughter. That's why the diagnosis and medication are not working. Her bad behavior is there for a reason, and you need to understand it. Hold her. Relax with her. Let her know that you want to understand.

Consider getting a copy of this CD program to help you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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