Missed Opportunities

by Wayne
(Savannah, GA)

Have you ever had one of those days when you know you had one of those, “chance of a lifetime” moments, and you missed it? You know it a split second after it happens. It is an event that you know would have had a significant, good effect on the outcome of your life and maybe someone else's as well.

I go through this feeling of insanity. Words like “Oh my God” along with a number of four letter expletives. I can actually see how that moment would have unfolded and the direction things could have gone. I am amazed at the forces that came into play for the event to have taken place.

Let me give you an example. My wife and I are photographers. We had spent a wonderful, but long and emotionally intense, day shooting a wedding. Weddings are a very fluid and for the most part unplanned event that some very important moments must be captured. Rose and I don’t want to just “take photos,” we want to blend motion, light, emotion, and who people are into our shots whenever possible. Of course this isn’t easily achieved or always possible. Yesterday, we shot some 900 shots between preparing for the wedding, the wedding, and the reception. It was a blast but it was hard work.

Today, Mother’s Day, we went out to breakfast and then to beach by the ocean, leaving behind our cameras feeling that we just wanted a photographic break. I must say that as we were leaving the condo we both hesitated about leaving the cameras behind. Getting down to the beach we saw, felt, experienced and lost the chance for the most breath-taking shot. It was of a black man, around five feet, eight inches tall, well built, dressed in white shorts and muscle shirt, kneeling down on the spot where the ocean meets the sand, praying. I could feel the spirit of God with him. The warm, early morning sun, washed over him leaving amazing shadows on his white clothes and contrast black skin. There were some amazing energies coming to play at one time to create this image. Rose and I both knew that we had missed something beautiful. The only saving grace was that we were there to experience it and yet we both felt sadness and anger for the loss of such a shot. This moment, even if the same person would return to the exact spot, with similar lighting, will never be the same. That moment has passed.

Rose and talked about this situation. We noted that this experience of missing these moments had happened to us too many times. We talked about “what was our part in missing these moments”? What was within us, that we would place ourselves into these positions and not be able not be able to make the most of the events?

As we spoke, we could feel inside of ourselves deep feelings coming out about the subject. We knew that the feelings were old and uncomfortable. I felt sad and angry that I had this within myself and that I was shorting myself. I still need to remember that this shorting of myself is a deep seated way of trying to heal my very soul. I will honor the part of myself that needs this healing, allowing myself to feel the feelings to come out that is a part of this past so that I will no longer have a need to short myself. This would be loving myself.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

This is a great contribution, Wayne. You remind people to pay attention, and to honor who they are inside. And as you know, the greatest challenge we face as human beings is learning to love ourselves.

Thanks again,

Dr. DeFoore