Losing The One I Love Because Of My Anger
My girlfriend and I broke up about 3 months ago. We are still talking, but every time we do I get mad and scream and yell at her until she doesn't want to talk to me for the rest of the week.
I don't know why I am getting so mad. I wish I could just relax and be happy with her.
But just now she started dating someone else which has broken my heart. I realize what I have done wrong, and I want to fix it and get back with her. But when she doesn't answer me, I freak out and get very angry. I hate this so much about myself.
I need a change in my anger, I feel so depressed and angry at everything. Please help me control this anger and find myself again.Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Nathan, and thanks for telling your story here. It is excellent that you are so determined to change and heal your anger.
You say you don't know why you are getting so mad. I assure you, there is a reason (or maybe several), and you need to find out what they are.
I suggest you start by doing the journaling exercise on this page
. Be sure you do this, because this is where you review the pain from your past, which is the reason for your anger in the present.
Then use these imagery processes for emotional healing
, to resolve the pain and trauma from your past experiences. This book
and this CD program
will also help you with your healing.
Also, I suggest you start the journaling process described on this page
immediately. It gives your anger a safe "place to go" so that it does not have a life of its own in your head. Practice these anger management techniques
regularly as well, until you have mastered them.
Finally, do the positive journaling exercises on this page
to start shifting your focus and "re-training your brain" to look at what is good, right and working in your life.
You can do this, Nathan, and it is time. Regarding getting back with your girlfriend, I encourage you to let go of that. It sounds like there has been too much damage for the two of you to reconcile. This page on grieving
and this one on letting go of relationships
It is time for you heal, and learn to love yourself. You need to be a healthy, happy man before you try to be in an intimate relationship again.
Believe in yourself, Nathan--and get to know the good man that is inside you.
My very best to you,
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