I've Lost Everything And I'm Ready To Change
I have been with my partner for 7 years, and we have a 5 year old son who is disabled. I have always had anger issues since I was young. I always hurt the people I love the most.
I don't want to react the way I do, but when I get into a argument I just explode most of the time. Whether it's hurling insults, kicking or throwing things or occasionally physical.
My girlfriend has ended the relationship now. She has given me so many last chances and has said "You'll never change" and "I can't keep doing this."
I have had good intentions in the past to change, but never follow through. It's good for a while but slips back into the same old patterns.
I have lost everything. I love my family very much. I need to change, not for them but for myself.
Thank you for reading. Any help and advice would be very much appreciated. Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Karl, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect the integrity you're showing in what you've written here. You're taking total responsibility, which is the essential first step to change.
Having "lost everything," you may be at a key point for growth and healing in your life. If you decide to make this an opportunity for self improvement, it will be exactly that.
I suggest that you start with the exercises recommended on this FAQ page
. These are indepth and thorough processes, that require your focus and diligence. If you use these tools, they will help you. If you use them often and consistently, you will become more skilled, and their benefit will grow over time.
The most important thing you wrote is that you want to change for yourself. Do this work for you, not for any hope of reconciliation.
Love is letting go, Karl. Read this page on letting go of relationships
, and I think you will find some benefit there.
You can do this, Karl. It is time for you to let the good man inside you take over and be in charge of your life.
My very best to you,
Don't Keep Your Anger Inside
My anger helps with my emotions. I understand that it is unhealthy to keep my anger in.
The thing that I need help with is the process where I can learn when I shouldn't keep my anger in, because what tends to happen with me is that I end up having built up frustration and anger which all comes out in a burst at the heat of a moment.
I need to learn the healthy way to express my anger because I feel like when I want to let someone know that I am getting frustrated I begin to start having that built up uncontrolled anger rising and about to spill over.
Response from Dr. DeFoore
Hello Ashley, and thanks for telling your story here. What you are saying here is wise. It is great that you recognize the value of healthy anger, and how important it is that you express it and not hold it in.
Keep up the good work, Ashley. You are right on track. Try journaling from your anger, to help in getting it out.
My very best to you,