Looking For A Row

by Claire
(Ireland)

I am 30 and was diagnosed with and started on treatment for depression at Christmas time. I live with my boyfriend and have done so for just over a year now. The real problem is with me.

I get so down sometimes and the only way that I feel that I can get my boyfriend's attention is by behaving very poorly. Usually I do this at night by banging on the bedside furniture or sighing continuously until I get his attention. Then I just spew sheer rage at him.

I wouldn't have thought that I was an angry person. I am generally a very timid person and find it a little difficult to adjust to new people or situations. However, with people close to me I behave like a seething and raging volcano. I know I am doing it but I can't help myself. I want to stop.

I don't like myself for doing these things but sometimes I feel like it is the only way to get attention when I need some.
Please help. I feel like my relationship cannot survive this bad behavior much longer.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Claire, and thanks for telling your story here. I respect the way you are taking total responsibility for your emotions and your behavior. That gives you the freedom to correct the situation--whereas, if you were caught in blaming others, your healing process would be much more difficult.

So, you're in a good place to get started. I suggest that you begin by doing all of the exercises on this FAQ page, which represent a deep and thorough healing process, if you take them seriously and do them consistently. Something tells me you will.


I also suggest that you read the following pages on depression (which include info on anger):

overcoming depression
healing anger and depression

I suggest you get a copy of our program on nurturing your inner child, as it is very helpful for guiding you to emotional healing and self love.

And these pages on relationships will also be helpful to you in understanding why you react the way you do with people close to you:

quotes on relationships
relationship advice
letting go of a relationship

You and your boyfriend will benefit from reading and following the exercises in this book: Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples.

I hope you find the help you're looking for here, Claire. You are worthy of a happy life.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

P.S. If you found this to be helpful, please consider making a donation to this site to support our mission to help you become your own best anger management resource.

P.P.S. If you got something of value here, we would also greatly appreciate it if you would provide a written testimonial and/or click the "Like" button at the top left of the home page.Claire