I've Been Angry All My Life After Being Rejected And Abandoned As A Child

by Shayla
(Oklahoma City, Oklahoma)

Hi, I'm Shay. I'm one of those types that gets angry every minute of the day. There's not a time in each day that I'm never angry.

Sometimes when I get angry I never know why I do what I do, or what I'm angry about. It's hard because I have a baby.

I can't keep a man because of my anger. I just don't understand myself half the time. I never really had a family that cared for me. I was always getting made fun of, and never had friends either.

My family always put me in hospitals because of my anger. I never really had a shoulder to cry on or no one to really talk to. I felt hated my whole life.

I was in DHS for 3 years because my mom gave me up. When my DHS worker called her to come to my court date to get me back, she said for them to keep me.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Shayla, and thanks for telling your story here. I am truly sorry that you have had such a hard life. I think you were and always have been a good person, but when a child is raised without care and nurturing, anger problems can be one of the results. It sounds like that is what happened to you.

I would suggest that anger has been a way for you to survive. It has been your friend, in some ways, and it has caused you a lot of problems also. I will try to help you heal your anger and learn how to begin creating a better life for yourself.

Start by reading and following the guidelines on this FAQ page. Do all of the exercises regularly, and you will start to feel better.

I also suggest that you learn about self love and self esteem.

I want to say some things to you, Shayla, and I hope you can let them in. Just consider the possibility that what I'm about to say might be true:


-There's nothing wrong with you. Your problems are a natural response to how you were raised, neglected, abused and abandoned.
-You are truly a good person inside, and you want to create a good life for yourself and your child.
-There are a lot of good things about you, but nobody really knows you well enough to see those. It is your job to remember these good things about you.
-Deep inside, you just want to love and be loved, and you want to be a good person that makes the world a better place.

Copy those statements down, put them up on your refrigerator or bathroom mirror, and read them daily until you believe them fully.

I want you to consider something else. What if you were to become the kind of mother you needed, and never had? What if you were to give your daughter everything you needed as a child and did not get? You can do that. You can be the kind of mother you choose to be. I will help, by pointing you to some pages with some information in this area:

Children's basic emotional needs. Read these to understand yourself, and how you became so angry. Then read them again, and make a plan about how you're going to meet these needs for your child.

Parenting skills. These will help you, Shayla, to be the good mother you want to be.

I see you as a good, whole, loving person, Shayla. Believe in yourself and the goodness inside you. Watch this great video, and imagine that the singer is singing just to you.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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