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Submitted by: Anonymous

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Hi Phil The only and best thing you can do at this point is focus on yourself, and your realm of freedom and responsibility. Do everything in your power to be a happy, balanced person. Appreciate all of your wife's good qualities, and keep your focus there. She is not responsible for your happiness, you are. Also, counseling--if it's good--will help her to take responsibility. If it increases your burden, you can just stop going--and look for a better counselor. By the way, I offer telephone counseling for couples, and with Skype, the long distance service is free. Let me know if you want more information. Contact me with the "Contact Us" button on the left of this page. My best to you, Phil. Dr. DeFoore

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Submitted by: Phil

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I have tried to do nice things for my wife. I used to give her pedicures. She enjoyed those for quite a while, but now gets it done professionally. I find it hard to pay much attention to her at all. I am just so totally frustrated at failing to please her for so long. I have become too apathetic. She wants us to go to counseling, but if she remains unwilling to admit any wrongs on her part or to change any of her behaviors I feel it will only place more burdens on me with no rewards. In other words a dead end. I can't change my wife, she is unwilling to change, my prayers have been unanswered. Is there something I have overlooked? Phil

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Submitted by: Anonymous

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Yes, it's great that you are accepting of your wife's weight issues. Your wife sounds like she's burdoned and angry by her responsibilities at home. Just guessing of course. If she is different when you go away and she feels like she is on a little holiday/has escaped/can rest or something, that has to be a big clue. Having a weight issue is depressing and if there is no other outlet, you eat more because you're depressed. However I've also seen people, older people, do remarkable things with weight loss/self esteem and so on when they receive the right support. It's always seems to be outside support but then the opportunity has to arise for her to decide to take it as well and that's up to her. Like most women I suppose she just sees sex as another duty, if it isn't accompanied by lots of love and attention at other times. Also she probably knows she needs help but in suggesting she seek psychological help she would have felt as if you now think she's lacking. You sound like a pretty loving person and men often get left alone without any help at all - just working out their problems on their own. I really hope your love and support is returned soon.

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