Inner Child

by Anna

I first started doing inner child work years ago. I was suffering from severe depression due to unresolved childhood and past experiences.

When I did the inner child work, I started by looking at photos of myself as a small child. Then I would close my eyes to try to see the inner child who was there somewhere deep inside of me. In the photos I had big eyes, freckles, well groomed hair, and a clean polished just washed look. However, that's not what I saw when I closed my eyes. When everything else around me was shut out and I had to focus on what was within my self, the little child was no longer what I had seen in the old black and white photo. Her hair was matted and dirty, her clothes were tattered, her skin was pale and shallow, and she looked as if she was terrified. I was shocked at how she looked, but I was even more shocked at how I felt about her. I hated her. I despised her.

Because of the bad feelings I was having about my own inner child, I had a very hard time doing inner child work. There were times that I had to stop because I could not take what I was going through.

I was not being compassionate with my inner child at all, I was just wanting to scream at her and criticize her. It was like I wanted to treat her the same way my mother had treated me when I was young. I kept wondering, "Why am I doing this? What's wrong with me?" The inner child in my mind and body acted afraid to have anything to do with me.

I started listening to Bill DeFoore’s recording, “Inner Child Affirmations”. Even though I was having a hard time with closing my eyes to visualize my inner child and listening to the inner child recordings, I kept at it. I became determined to get it right.

I did the inner child work every night until I started to notice a small transformation. My inner child began to look a little less ragged and sick. Her hair became a bit smoother and the color of her skin changed to a healthier hue. She also started to be a little less afraid of me. The inner child part of my self was beginning to actually allow me to hold her sometimes.

I continued with the inner child exercises and meditations until the little child within me was smiling and looking healthier. Now, when I do the inner child exercises and meditations, I can hold my child within and love her. I don't do this perfectly, and I feel that I have a ways to go with it, but it's so much better than when I first started.

When my little dog Ginger died I decided to do the inner child work to comfort myself. As I closed my eyes and tried to visualize the child within myself, I had an experience with her that I'd never had before. She came up to me, held me, and comforted me. She did this the same way that I had learned to comfort her. My little inner child was compassionate and supportive towards me. I sat there being held by my inner child, and holding her back for the longest time. The inner child part of myself had grown and I was so proud of myself.

I struggle with loving myself. Sometimes I feel that I do it well enough, but I have so far to go. I keep remembering all of the stigma I learned as I was growing up. I was taught that it was conceited and vain to love one's self. It has been very hard to overcome that, and I'm still working on it.


Response from Dr. DeFoore

Anna, this is beautiful. It is also very helpful to anyone wanting to do inner child work, and trying to learn to love themselves. In my work, both personal and professional, I have found inner child imagery to be the best way to go about emotional healing and building self love. Thank you for this excellent contribution.