I'm Unhappy In My Relationship With My Partner

by Lucy
(London UK)

My partner and I have been together for 4 years, we met at work. He works very closely with his ex girlfriend who hates me and has made my life very difficult.

We moved in together after 2 years, which is when things took a turn for the worse. He became very angry at me a lot of the time when I questioned his relationship with her (he had been confiding in her about our relationship and they had spoken about sex).

He has pushed me and thrown things at me and smashed my possessions and some furniture. I am now scared of disagreeing with anything he says or standing up for myself. He has thrown me out on the street in the middle of the night, but I still go back to him.

Is there any hope for this relationship? Will he be able to change how he is towards me? He doesn't even show remorse for the things he has done, he just says it isn't him, it must be 'us'. I honestly feel like I am losing my mind but cannot leave. Sometimes I wonder if he has mental health issues.

He is very bright and extremely successful at work.

Please help.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Lucy, and thanks for telling your story here. I want you to consider that you are a good person, worthy of respect and kindness. I know that you believe this, in your heart, but as you've made clear, you can't get yourself to leave this abusive relationship.

Unfortunately, there are many people who have experienced and are experiencing this type of relationship. For that reason, I've written several web pages specifically designed to help good folks just like you. Here they are:


battered wife syndrome
how to deal with abusive relationships
letting go of a relationship

I strongly encourage you to read and follow the guidelines on these pages. You will find links to other resources that will help you like the audio CD program called nurturing your inner child.

You ask if there is any hope for this relationship. In light of what you've written here, I would have to say no, there is not. You say that your partner takes no responsibility for his part of the problems. As long as either person is unwilling to take responsibility, the relationship will not improve.

You are the only person who can resolve this problem, Lucy. You are worth it. Believe in yourself.

There is a precious, good person in the heart of who you are--that is your true nature. Take care of her, and consider getting out of this relationship as soon as you can.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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