I'm Only 14 Years Old, Please Help Me

by Nicola
(Scotland)

Me and my sister had a fight last night, now my mum and dad won't talk to me. I can turn angry so easily and to be honest I don't know why.

I want to be able to calm down easier without getting sent to my room, I start to cry when I'm angry and well after the fight I started to punch and scratch my face so hard. I pulled out my hair.

Please help me. I'm only 14.

Response from Dr. DeFoore

Hello Nicola, and thanks for telling your story here. I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. I'll try to help.

First, I want you to stop hurting yourself. You are not bad for being angry. Your anger is there for a reason, and it is designed for your protection. I know it may not be coming out in the right way, but that's normal. You'll get better with that.

You're a good person, and you have trouble with your anger. What's going on in your family is not your fault. Your parents and your sister are responsible also, even if they blame you. It's not all your fault. Everyone is responsible for their own part.

Please stop hurting yourself, Nicola. Instead, I want you to do these things:

1) Write your full story, of all of the things that have happened in your life, using the guidelines on this page.

2) Also, start an anger journal, so you can get your anger out on paper instead of letting it build up inside. Be compassionate with the angry part of you, and try to hear the pain and fear right behind the anger. Here are some guidelines for the anger journaling.

3) Start doing this positive journaling process daily, no matter what. This is how you train your brain toward love and happiness. I know this will work for you because you're a good person, and writing about the good things in you and the world around you will help you connect with your good heart.

4) If you have had any emotional trauma in your past, use these imagery processes for emotional healing and resolution.

5) When you get up in the morning, use this two part imagery process for positive mental rehearsal to prepare for a good day. Do this every day, and it will really help.

If your mum and dad are open to new ideas, you might suggest that they read this page on silent treatment, to understand the impact of what they're doing when they don't talk to you.

I'm sure your family is made up of good people, just like you. Believe in them, and expect the best from them, while taking very, very good care of yourself.

Believe in yourself, Nicola. You are one of a kind, and you have your own special gifts to offer this world.

You can do this.

My very best to you,

Dr. DeFoore

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